199: Why Is My Husband So Defensive

The Empowered Wife Podcast: Marriage Help with Laura Doyle

Laura Doyle

Trustedrelationshipexpert, Narcissism, Verbalabuse, Fixingmarriages, Relationships, Feelinglonely, Relationshipexpert, Alcoholabuse, Self-improvement, Angerissues, Intimacyskills, Midlifecrisis, Affairs, Fixingrelationship, Exhausted, Desired, Society & Culture, Special, Physicalabuse, Empoweredwife, Passionaterelationship, Playfulrelationship, Empoweredwives, Education, Unloved, Relationshipadvice

4.8 • 1K Ratings

🗓️ 12 September 2023

⏱️ 52 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

It's annoying when you’re trying to have a conversation and your man either clams up and gets cold or raises his voice or starts arguing with you. It seems mysterious why he’s so riled up. If only he’d relax so you could have a normal conversation! I used to be so confused about why my husband would look exasperated when I’d made an innocent comment. It turns out that, without meaning to or even realizing it, I was offending him. I didn’t think he should be offended! But now that I understand how, it’s not surprising he was reacting so badly. On today’s episode of The Empowered Wife Podcast, we’re going to answer the question “Why is my husband so defensive?” I’ll share 3 embarrassing ways I unintentionally made my husband feel he had to protect himself from me.

My guest Rachel studied the 6 Intimacy Skills™ before her relationship even started but found that practicing them in theory was very different from practicing them in marriage. Here are the adjustments she made so she now says she’s married to the best husband in the world!

Transcript

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0:00.0	I started practicing the skills and I found the skill of respect.
0:06.0	So I'm going to be the most respectful wife ever.
0:09.0	And my husband comes home one day. I remember and he's carrying all these groceries and I'm like, oh, thank you so much. You went shopping. You make me so happy, you are the best.
0:23.4	And he's like, well, you're welcome, where should they put them?
0:27.8	And I'm like, oh, wherever you think, you know, I'm really pushing all my control and everything and he's like well where should I put the groceries?
0:37.1	I didn't set up this house you did I don't know where to put them where should I put them.
0:41.6	Oh wherever you think, and I'm thinking in my mind wherever he puts them will be the best place and it doesn't matter and all I care about is our intimacy and I'm being like this whole
0:54.9	perfect wife and he just keeps asking me where should I put them and then this kind
1:02.1	of scenario played out a few more times and until one day he did have a bone to pick with me said, you know, when you say whatever you think, I feel very stupid I feel like I don't know I don't know I don't
1:18.4	know what the answer is and you're telling me whatever you think and I don't like it please do not say that again.
1:25.0	Welcome to the Empowered Wife podcast where it's all about fixing your marriage without your man's conscious efforts that you feel desired, taken care of, and special, even if your relationship feels hopeless.
1:42.0	I'm Laura Doyle, and today we're going to answer the question
1:45.2	why is my husband so defensive? My guest Rachel studied the six intimacy skills
1:50.8	before her relationship even started but found out that
1:54.4	practicing them in theory was different than practicing them in her
1:59.3	marriage. After making some adjustments she is married to the best husband in the world,
2:05.0	and she's going to share what she did so you can do it too.
2:09.0	And that's coming up.
2:10.0	But first, let's talk about what to do when your husband is so defensive.
2:14.3	Because it's annoying when you're trying to have a conversation.
2:17.4	He either clams up and gets cold or else raises his voice and starts arguing with you. You just want to say, knock it off and
2:25.4	have him calm down and relax so you can have a normal conversation. It can seem mysterious too,
	...

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