196. How Glennon & Abby Learned to Talk Dirty with Vanessa Marin

We Can Do Hard Things

Treat Media and Glennon Doyle

Relationships, Education, Self-improvement, Society & Culture

4.8 • 42.7K Ratings

🗓️ 6 April 2023

⏱️ 54 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

1. How to finally discover what turns us on, how to discuss turn-offs – and how to create “sex menus” with our partners. 2. The real reason so many of us don’t feel like having sex. 3. How to ask for more sex – and how to turn it down without hurting your partner. 4. Orgasm – why it’s not the whole shebang – and what to do if we’ve been faking it. 5. Glennon and Abby engage in an exercise to practice talking dirty. (Glennon has not recovered.) For the first part of our conversation with Vanessa, check out Episode 195: Sex Talk & That Night in Miami: Sex Therapy with Vanessa Marin. And to hear our original “Silent Sex Queen” episode, go way back and check out: Episode 14: SILENT SEX QUEEN: Why aren’t we talking about sex more? About Vanessa: Vanessa Marin is a sex therapist and instant New York Times Best Selling author of Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, co-written with her husband and partner-in-crime, Xander Marin. Vanessa is here to help you kick shame out of the bedroom so you can start feeling the connection, pleasure, and joy you deserve! Vanessa has been featured in various major publications and has written for The New York Times, Allure, and Lifehacker. TW: @VMTherapy IG: @vanessaandxander

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things. Today we are back with a woman who is really helping
0:18.5	us get our shit together when it comes to sex. She's inviting us into some amazing conversations
0:24.9	with each other. She's getting some fires started over in our home here. Vanessa Moran is a sex
0:32.0	therapist, an instant New York Times bestselling author of Sex Talks, the five conversations that
0:37.8	will transform your love life. It was co-written with her husband and partner in crime,
0:43.4	Zander Moran. Vanessa is here to help you kick shame out of the bedroom. So you can start feeling
0:49.7	the connection pleasure. Enjoy. You deserve. If you have not listened to episode one, please go back
0:55.6	and do that because the first two sex conversations that she suggests we have are over there.
1:02.4	I'm not reviewing them because I'm really wanting to get into conversation three,
1:08.7	which is about desire. Vanessa, you say that your goal with people when it comes to
1:17.6	desire is just to help them unlock their particular desire potential. What the hell does that
1:23.7	mean? Well, we were talking in the last episode about how most of us feel this internal pressure
1:30.6	that we should be having more sex. We're shooting all over ourselves. And we talked about getting in
1:36.9	touch with what are your actual desires? There is no one perfect number that couples should be
1:43.7	having sex every week. There's not the magic number that's going to make your relationship healthy
1:48.5	and whole. We need to figure out what is it that feels genuine and good to us. So with desire,
1:56.2	there are so many things that can get in the way of desire that can block it, that can eliminate it
2:02.1	altogether. So I want to help people understand what those blockages are and create the space for
2:08.1	their desire to be in their lives with the understanding that their desire is going to look very
2:14.7	different from somebody else's desire. There is no perfect amount of desire. And you say there are
2:20.8	me aspects of desire. And we aspects of desire. What do you mean by me aspects of desire?
2:30.9	I think sex drive is something that happens within us. The libido is something that we feel like
	...

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