195: Man Tries to Burn Escalade, Sets His Pants on Fire Instead

The Shallow End

John Elliott and Lindsay Schnebly

Society & Culture, Comedy, History

4.9 • 612 Ratings

🗓️ 11 February 2026

⏱️ 37 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In this episode of The Shallow End, the universe appears to clock in early and enforce consequences with zero paperwork. Schnebly and Toth break down a surreal Milwaukee incident in which a man attempting to set a Cadillac Escalade on fire instead ignites his own pants—an act of instant karma caught entirely on surveillance video. What begins as felony-grade arson collapses into slapstick physics as flaming trousers, panicked decision-making, and a perfectly timed police cruiser converge in what may be the most efficient arrest on record. From there, the episode widens into a greatest-hits reel of bad ideas and questionable judgment. A listener email recounts a sober college sledding adventure that ends with injuries, hospital visits, and the realization that alcohol isn’t always required to make terrible choices. The hosts share their own youthful snow-related miscalculations, proving once again that age and common sense rarely arrive together. The episode also dives into a Texas burglary attempt that goes sideways when a man breaks into a car dealership, injures himself on the glass, calls 911 for help, and—while waiting for first responders—helps himself to candy from a sales desk. Because of course he does. Equal parts dumb criminal behavior, misfired confidence, and real-world absurdity, this episode is a reminder that when plans collapse, they often do so loudly, publicly, and on camera. Make good choices. Don’t play with fire. And for the love of God, don’t try to outrun your own pants. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Have you ever wondered how inbred the Habsburgs really were? What women in the past used for birth control, or what Queen Victoria's nine children got up to?
0:10.6	On the History Tea Time podcast, I profile remarkable queens and LGBTQ plus royals explore royal family trees and delve into women's medical history and other fascinating topics.
0:24.7	Join me every Tuesday for History Tea Time, wherever fine podcasts are enjoyed.
0:31.4	No one hates history, they just haven't found the right teacher yet.
0:34.3	Or in this case, a nerdy best friend who loves to tell you all about world history, women's history, and weird history. Hi, I'm TK., the creator of For the Love of History Podcast, a place for people who want to learn more but don't know where to start, and history lovers who want to break from the mainstream. From rat trials to warrior women, we cover topics from every country and era.
0:58.6	Whether you're a history expert or just starting out, there's a place for you here in the Time Machine.
1:04.6	So join me every Friday on your favorite podcast platform and YouTube for a brand new topic.
1:05.7	See you there. Bye!
1:09.9	It began long ago. Two young boys in an American town riding their bikes to school and Little League practice.
1:15.6	Over the years, the boys became fast friends, united in their love for stories where things would go horribly wrong.
1:24.6	Pour yourself a strong beverage and buckle up.
1:29.0	You're in the shallow end with Schnebly and Toff.
1:31.6	Life is a funny thing in Florida, Jethro.
1:34.1	It certainly is.
1:35.5	I know that you can testify to that, and I don't live there, you do, but I'm struck
1:39.4	by the fact that last week when we were recording, it was so cold.
1:43.8	How cold? How cold?
1:44.7	How cold was it?
1:46.0	That you had brought in your house plants so that they wouldn't freeze.
1:50.1	Yeah.
1:50.5	And I read national stories about iguanas dropping from trees.
1:55.9	Yeah, that's not uncommon.
	...

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