It’s okay to wrestle with the things you don’t understand. But in your wrestling, don’t pull away from God. Lean into him.
Just how quick do you give up on God? How fast are you to say, this isn’t working, God isn’t listening, and there’s no point in praying. Right now, how pointless do you feel it is to seek God first? Really, how disappointed are you in God’s movement in this world or on your behalf?
One of my most pivotal moments in my relationship with the Lord came on one of my most desperate and disappointing days. It was early 2000’s, my husband and I had built a successful business in Dallas, then we felt the prompting of God to move to El Paso, Texas and help start a church. In obedience, we left everything we had worked so hard to build in Dallas, and we moved to the desert.
We assumed going where God told us to go would bring immediate blessings. We assumed the money would just be there. The business would quickly take off again and we would be rewarded for our blind move of faith. WE WERE SO WRONG.
We got to El Paso and we struggled. We struggled to pay rent. We struggled to buy groceries. We hid our car in the garage because the repo man was circling. Every day I got up thinking this couldn’t be right. This couldn’t be our story. This couldn’t be the way God repays obedience. And every day, it kept getting worse. And that Church we moved there to help start was a hot mess.
I was exhausted from trying to fake my way through it. Beneath my smile was utter disappointment and a growing urge to quit. One day I sat on the couch with my husband and he said to me, “Pamela, just admit you’re mad at God about this. Admit you’re disappointed. Get it out.”
No. I couldn’t. I’m the happy girl. I’m the one who always sees the bright side. My faith can’t waiver. But the truth is, it was killing me inside. So finally, the words came out of my mouth, “I cannot believe this is the way God repays faithfulness. We came here because God said to come, I know he did. And now we get this????”
My husband said, “So, you’re mad at God.” YES! I’m mad.
And that was the pivotal moment in my relationship with the Lord. He didn’t strike me with lightening for being real with him. He didn’t turn away from my honest emotions. He handled them with care.
We continued to struggle for several more years. But then, things began to change. Breakthroughs. Divine alignment. Blessings. Victories. Callings.
You see what I didn’t realize is God said GO, but he never promised ease. God said GO, but he never promised success. God said GO, but he never promised I would like it once I got there. Today, I’m so glad we went. The lessons we learned there have brought us here. The sacrifices then prepared us for blessings now.
So, as a person who understands the feeling of disappointment in God and the let down of hardship following obedience, let me ask again, just how quick do you give up on God? How fast are you to say, this isn’t working, God isn’t listening, and there’s no point in praying. Right now, how pointless do you feel it is to seek God first? Really, how disappointed are you in God’s movement on your behalf?
Have you given up on God because he didn’t come through for you the way you thought he would?
Judges chapter 20 tells a story of obedience met with hardship, and it shows God’s sovereign power through it all. We’re not called to understand it, but it’s pivotal in our relationship with God to accept it.
Verses 18-28:
18 Before the battle the Israelites went to Bethel and asked God, “Which tribe should go first to attack the people of Benjamin?”
The Lord answered, “Judah is to go first.”