190: How to Communicate Your Needs in a Relationship

The Empowered Wife Podcast: Marriage Help with Laura Doyle

Laura Doyle

Trustedrelationshipexpert, Narcissism, Verbalabuse, Fixingmarriages, Relationships, Feelinglonely, Relationshipexpert, Alcoholabuse, Self-improvement, Angerissues, Intimacyskills, Midlifecrisis, Affairs, Fixingrelationship, Exhausted, Desired, Society & Culture, Special, Physicalabuse, Empoweredwife, Passionaterelationship, Playfulrelationship, Empoweredwives, Education, Unloved, Relationshipadvice

4.8 • 1K Ratings

🗓️ 11 July 2023

⏱️ 66 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

It feels really bad when your husband doesn’t care about your needs, even when you tell him over and over. But what if it’s not that he doesn’t care but that you haven’t been well trained on how to communicate your needs in your relationship, just like I wasn’t? I was a communications major in college, so I thought I was really good at communicating. I knew what I needed and wasn’t afraid to say it. But it turns out I was confused about several things. On today’s episode of The Empowered Wife Podcast, we’re talking about how to communicate your needs in a relationship. I’ll share 4 common mistakes that could be stopping him from meeting your needs.

Plus, my guest Mary and her husband were living like roommates and co-parents, which she figured was just the way life is, full of ups and downs. So she was surprised to learn that she could turn things around by herself, but she dug into the 6 Intimacy Skills™ and found that a happy marriage is 100% possible and an absolute pleasure. She’s going to tell us what she did so you can do it too.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Empowered Wife podcast, where it's all about fixing your relationship without
0:14.1	your husband's conscious effort so that you feel desired, taken care of and special
0:20.0	even if your relationship feels completely hopeless.
0:23.0	I'm Laura Doyle, and today I'm sharing how to communicate your needs in a relationship.
0:28.0	My guest Mary and her husband were living like roommates and co-parents which she figured was just the way life is
0:35.5	full of ups and downs so she was surprised to learn that she could turn things
0:40.1	around by herself but she dug into the intimacy skills and found that a happy marriage is a tremendous gift and 100% possible.
0:50.0	Today her marriage is an absolute pleasure.
0:53.0	She's going to tell us what she did so you can do it too.
0:56.0	But first, let's talk about how to communicate your needs in a relationship.
1:00.0	It feels really bad when your husband doesn't care about your needs, even if you tell him over and over.
1:06.1	It makes it pretty obvious that he doesn't care about you, which can make you feel unloved and scared. But what if it's not that he doesn't care, but that you haven't
1:18.8	been well-trained on how to communicate your needs in a relationship, just like I wasn't well trained on that. I mean, I was a communications major in college, so I thought I was really good at communicating, like really, really good at communicating because I know what I need and I'm not afraid to say it.
1:40.4	But it turns out I was confused about several things. Number one, I confused needs and wants.
1:48.6	I need air, water, food, shelter, and I want throw pillows for the porch and have a summer party and shrimp
1:58.4	pad tie for dinner.
2:00.9	When I was afraid to honor my desires for frivolous things, I tried to present them as needs, if you could imagine. It was very awkward, but I thought that would make him take me more seriously.
2:15.0	I was wrong about that. I thought that unless the things that I desired were
2:20.6	actual needs that had some practical element to them, I wouldn't get them and I shouldn't even want them because that's selfish.
2:30.0	So I would just try to disguise my desires and act like throw pillows are the same as oxygen, same level.
2:39.1	And that didn't get a great response from my husband because he could smell the manipulation from a mile away.
2:46.0	I was just overdramatizing the importance of throw pillows. These days I love just
	...

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