186 SelfWork: When You've Lost Yourself
The SelfWork Podcast
Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD
4.8 • 1.3K Ratings
🗓️ 26 June 2020
⏱️ 26 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Getting lost in a relationship. .. if you’ve ever done it, you know the sinking feeling in your gut that comes when you think about it again. Somehow your “self” – the you that you knew before the relationship began - got ignored, changed, forgotten, absorbed, or even ridiculed. There are lots of reasons how this could happen. Actual abuse, manipulation by someone with narcissistic traits or other disorders, being lied to and deceived. Doing all the giving and very little receiving. I could go on and on about the “why’. But today, in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, I'll be sharing my own story of "self"-recovery. And we'll turn to Dr. Guy Winch's advice about putting you back together again – but in a new and hopefully wiser way.
The listener email is from a man whose wife displays many of the traits of perfectly hidden depression, but he doesn’t know how to approach her, and he’s also wondering about how perfectionism could be viewed through the lens of attachment theory.
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
Test to assess attachment styles found in Psychology Today
Article entitled "The Darker Side of Perfectionism which addresses its relationship with perfectionism
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
Test to assess attachment styles found in Psychology Today
Article entitled "The Darker Side of Perfectionism which addresses its relationship with perfectionism
Our Sponsors: * Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is self-work and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. |
| 0:13.0 | At self-work we'll discuss psychological and emotional issues common in today's world |
| 0:19.0 | and what to do about them. |
| 0:20.0 | I'm Dr. Margaret and self-work is a podcast dedicated to you taking just a few minutes today for your own self-work. |
| 0:30.0 | Hello again and welcome to self-work. I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. I'm a clinical |
| 0:34.0 | psychologist. I've lived in Fable Arkansas for about 27 years now and that's how long |
| 0:40.3 | I've practiced as a psychologist. I love what I do and I started |
| 0:44.1 | podcasting in order to extend the walls of my practice. I wanted to reach out to those |
| 0:48.9 | of you who might be in therapy already or certainly very interested in psychological |
| 0:53.2 | and emotional issues. To those of you who have just been diagnosed with |
| 0:57.9 | depression or anxiety and you're looking for answers, and then there's a third group to those of you who might never |
| 1:04.4 | darken the door of a therapist, but you're just interested enough to listen to |
| 1:08.7 | someone like me. Welcome, whatever group you're in or some other group you might be in. |
| 1:14.4 | Today I'm getting kind of personal with you. It's about getting lost in a relationship. |
| 1:19.7 | If you've ever done it, you know the sinking feeling in your gut that comes with thinking about |
| 1:23.7 | it again. |
| 1:24.7 | This certainly happened to me, so I will talk a little bit about my own experience. |
| 1:30.0 | Somehow yourself, the you that you knew before the relationship began, that self got ignored, |
| 1:36.2 | changed, forgotten, absorbed, or even ridiculed. |
| 1:40.1 | People say things like, I don't know who I am anymore. |
| 1:43.4 | There are lots of reasons why this can happen. |
| 1:45.8 | Actual abuse, manipulation by someone with narcissistic traits or other disorders, |
... |
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