182 - RUDE: UFO Did NOT Probe Me!
Camp Counselors with Zachariah Porter and Jonathan Carson
PodcastOne
5.0 • 3.1K Ratings
🗓️ 20 May 2026
⏱️ 68 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this episode of Camp Counselors, we are invading the world of alien abductions, UFO sightings, Goldie Hawn’s emotional alien encounter, and discuss what WE BELIEVE aliens actually look like. Naturally, this leads to Jersey Shore clips, Area 51 theories, and a VERY open invitation for aliens to come on the podcast with final edit approval. (If yall are reading this out there please email our team or respond via crop circle, whichever is easiest for you. We know you're busy.) Then, Counselor Jonathan covers the heart stopping news story of a CPR instructor who legit had a real-ass heart attack while teaching students how to respond to one. Plus a nationwide SCAM involving mysterious packages sent from a sketchy sender named Davve (with two Vs)... This story hits home because COUNSELOR ZACHARIAH has been selected to be SCAMMED! Can you believe?!
This episode was edited and mixed by Kevin Betts.
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Works Cited:
➜ Goodyear, Sheena. "Wisconsin EMT Saves Man Having Heart Attack on His Way to Pick Up His Own Medication." CBC Radio, 2026. Accessed 19 May 2026.
➜ Kraus, Jennifer. "Brushing Scam Sends Hundreds of Mysterious White Packages to Mailboxes and Porches Across the Country." NewsChannel 5, n.d. Accessed 19 May 2026.
Camp Songs:
Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hey, happy campers. |
| 0:02.7 | Welcome back to Camp Shady Birch. |
| 0:06.5 | It is week 182 here at camp. |
| 0:11.4 | And I'm feeling fish. |
| 0:15.3 | I was just, wait, this is, I'm sorry for audio only. |
| 0:19.0 | I was filming a video and the outfit I was in for the costume and the character I was playing felt appropriate to just keep on. |
| 0:28.2 | Keep on, keeping on. |
| 0:29.3 | I was like, I could change out of this ensemble or I could just live in it in my truth for the podcast. |
| 0:34.7 | Like, I did a light beat. |
| 0:36.9 | I have mascara on. I have copper eye shadow. I'm wearing a wig. Yeah, you blended that for the gods. I'm fully tucked. Like, what's one more hour? You know what I mean? Like... This is, like, what your essence of your being, like, feels like. Like, a lot of people would say, mom, but I feel like this is on the everyday, having lived with you. Like, this is a lot of what you're giving. How would you describe my aura in this outfit? Oh, spooky. No, you look like that girl from Gulliver's Travels. What the hell is Gulliver's Travels? The Black and White Show. Oh, yeah. With a boat that crashed on the island. Gilligan's Island? |
| 1:11.5 | Yes. |
| 1:12.4 | I don't know. |
| 1:12.7 | What is her name? |
| 1:13.2 | I never saw it. |
| 1:13.8 | And I actually don't feel guilty about that because I was born in 1995. |
| 1:16.9 | I think her name was Ruby. |
| 1:18.1 | Well, so the real reason why I'm keeping this outfit on is because I feel like I look like a woman who would believe in alien abductions. |
| 1:25.2 | Okay. |
| 1:25.5 | I love that. Do I not? No, you definitely do. |
| 1:28.0 | You look like... |
| 1:28.6 | I'm sitting on my screen porch and the newscasters outside. Let's do a little ad... Let's do a little roleplay. So you're the newest caster and I'm the person who saw an alien. Miss Tabernacle, Miss Tabernacle. Word on the street is, you had an alien visit in the middle of the night. Were you abducted? What happened? We need to know everything. |
| 1:44.5 | He grabbed me by the throat and cracked a rib. |
... |
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