174 | Intimacy Over Flesh: Ivy’s Sex Stories
Sex Stories: How to Do You
Luna Robbie
4.3 • 951 Ratings
🗓️ 24 June 2022
⏱️ 71 minutes
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Summary
“Sexual attraction is when you’re… sweaty?” Ivy (22 w cis Canadian f, ace greyromantic and single) is asexual and thinks sex is FANTASTIC—for other people. For her, it’s much too fleshy with heavy topknots of sweat, lubrication and discharge that squick her out. But it’s caused some tangly feelings in terms of romance that she’s very much in the process of navigating. Does “sex” necessarily MEAN romantic? And not-sex is platonic? Ivy has been defining her sexuality with a lack of sexual attraction in an effort to combat the grossness of expectation, and that doesn’t feel quite right, either. Expectations feel yucky, and while receiving without ensuing assumptions sounds cool, is it just being selfish? The cultural messages might have us think yes, but Ivy talks about what arousal in her body and her psyche feel like to her, and shares how she wishes other people would recognize and interact with her sexuality. She’s had orgasms finds them exhausting, she prefers masturbation without a climax. Her body pleasure comes from other places, especially food— especially chocolate and pickles. We talk about how feelings of obligation leave no room for desire, and the hottest turn-on: nonjudgmental listening and understanding.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hello lovely humans, I'm YOLI and you are listening to sex stories, a |
| 0:08.4 | podcast about helping lovers help love one another where sparks of mutual |
| 0:12.4 | inspiration fly. As always, please keep your |
| 0:15.8 | sexy thoughts about me and our guests to yourself no matter how wonderfully perverted they are. |
| 0:21.7 | Go listen to the outro if you want to connect and enjoy. Our |
| 0:25.0 | guest today is a 22 year old sis white Canadian female. She is a sexual and |
| 0:29.4 | gray romantic. A single pringle, which is a term I have to say I love it's a great |
| 0:34.8 | description it also makes me wonder if someone is about to eat you or if you are |
| 0:39.5 | like dropped under a couch or something. She is into intimacy, especially emotional intimacy. A librarian from Toronto, Canada, welcome Ivy. |
| 0:50.0 | Thank you. I would like to know first. |
| 0:53.0 | If you had to rate yourself on a sexual shame a meter with 10 being the most full of shame and one being not so shamey, where do you fall today in this moment? |
| 1:00.0 | I think I'd probably write myself a around four. I would say the shame that I experience is far more related to not being as sexual as I feel expected to be. |
| 1:11.0 | And that's, I think think an interesting thing that I certainly have |
| 1:15.9 | noticed within the East community and various friends of mine who are Ace is like it's |
| 1:22.0 | the shame that we feel because you know someone as |
| 1:25.3 | pretty as you wouldn't want sex like oh that's such a shame you're such like that's |
| 1:29.2 | such a waste or things like I mean that as a woman you've been brainwashed by the patriarchy to think that women aren't sexual beings, that you aren't capable of sexual liberation, and if only you could like depatriarchy your mind you'd be able to be sexually |
| 1:44.6 | liberated and enjoy it. Do people say stuff like that to you? Yes, genuinely yes. |
| 1:49.7 | It's interesting because the instances where it's really really really overt tend to be few and far between but all of the time people are constantly |
| 2:00.0 | Backtracking and backpedaling in their language to be like, oh, well, you know, I didn't mean that because you're asexual, you're not sexually liberated. |
| 2:10.0 | I didn't mean that. And I'm like, but you literally just said that like it's this interesting thing where I think people have |
| 2:17.8 | Surranic sex looks like because so much in recent culture has been about decreasing the amount of shame that people feel |
... |
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