168 SelfWork: The What, Why, When, Where and How of Setting Boundaries
The SelfWork Podcast
Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD
4.8 • 1.3K Ratings
🗓️ 28 February 2020
⏱️ 26 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
My dad used to say to us as kids, “Your rights end where someone else’s nose begins.” And that’s where I began learning about boundaries. Psychological boundaries are those that define where your own personal limits are as to what is emotionally harmful, and what is not. And that is unique to every individual. We'll ask these questions: What makes a boundary necessary to voice? Or there “understood” boundaries? When does a boundary have a positive effect and when is it not? How is a boundary different from an demand? Or is it? What is your recourse if a boundary you’ve set and explained is continuously ignored or blatantly defied
The listener email offers has a great question about how a history of an ex with a pornography problem and the underlying deceit can have an effect on future trust and self-confidence. She’s asking for help – what can she do?
You can hear more about boundaries and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is self-work and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. |
| 0:13.0 | At self-work we'll discuss psychological and emotional issues common in today's world |
| 0:19.0 | and what to do about them. |
| 0:20.0 | I'm Dr. Margaret and self-work as a podcast dedicated to you taking just a few minutes today for your own self-work. |
| 0:29.0 | Hello everyone I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford and I'm so delighted you're here today with me for episode 168 of self-work |
| 0:38.0 | Before we get started I want to thank those of you who've left reviews from my new book Perfectly Hidden Depression on Thank you |
| 0:43.4 | who've left reviews from my new book, Perfectly Hidden Depression on Amazon. I saw them. I'm so very grateful. |
| 0:48.4 | And I'm inviting more of you to do so if you're reading the book or if you've read it. You are my very best |
| 0:55.8 | advertising and marketing. So thank you so much. And of course those of you who are leaving |
| 1:00.4 | reviews for the podcast as well. |
| 1:03.6 | It's how more people will learn about self-work, will learn that therapy is actually a very, |
| 1:09.1 | very amenable, accessible kind of relationship. And if perhaps you're here because you've heard |
| 1:14.7 | about perfectly hidden depression then I will pass on to you everything that I know |
| 1:19.4 | about it as I learn it and as other people get in touch with me about it I'm still learning so much even though the book is finished |
| 1:27.6 | Today on self-work we're gonna be talking about boundaries |
| 1:32.0 | You know my dad used to say to us as kids your |
| 1:35.0 | rights end where someone else's nose begins and I guess that's where I began |
| 1:39.2 | learning about boundaries. There are boundaries around our property or where we live. |
| 1:44.2 | There are hours and hours spent in lawyer's offices stipulating the boundaries or legal |
| 1:48.6 | understandings and agreements on the definition of the breadth of the agreement, whether it be a divorce, a bankruptcy, |
| 1:54.8 | one company buying another, whatever it is. |
| 1:57.6 | But boundaries in relationships, especially relationships that aren't structured by work, can be much more difficult to create an honor. |
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