Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of the Sabrina Zohar Show. My name is Sabrina Zohar and I am your host. Welcome back, Babs, part two of the series. We are here and I'm super stoked. We are going to talk today about the stories you create because I talk about this all the time of like, are we challenging our thoughts? Are we thinking about the narratives? What is the story that we're creating? So let's talk about it and flesh it out and give you tools and whatever you guys need. I'm so freaking excited. And as always, guys, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for leaving the ratings or reviews, leaving comments, subscribing, following along. Like, it literally means the world. So if you haven't done that already, please do. And if you have, thank you.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for showing up as you and allowing me to show up as me because that's a lot of freedom in that type of power. So without further ado, let's get right on into it, shall we? Hey, babes. Good to see you. Happy Friday. I'm excited. Part D of this. Now it's a five-part series, by the way.

I know on last week I was like, it's a four-part.

It's five. Because your girl has too much to talk about it. So I had to break it up because I don't shut the fuck up. But I'm super excited. And guys, as always, some quick housekeeping before we get into the episode. I'm trying my best to like get right into the meat and potatoes and so that we can keep our attention span as an ADHD girly. I understand it. But there is some housekeeping. We have the foundation course if you guys want more. We have some new stuff coming, but that's available. And it includes free group coaching. You can work one-on-one, ask a question, free guide in the link in bio, get a profile audit, whatever you need. Please know it's also brittnessar.com, and I would love to support you guys in any way. So let me know. And leave comments, let me know, share it with a friend, put it in your Facebook group. That's the only way we will grow this show. So last week we talked about core beliefs. And I think it's really important because those core beliefs, baby, they are what create the stories that you believe in. And so an example of that would be like, you know, the person said sound good instead of, sounds great. So I spent 45 minutes analyzing their enthusiasm level and decided he was done with me and having second thoughts. And you want to know where that story came from? Oh, I don't know, not like human experience or anything. Well, I wanted to talk about the stories that we create. And next week we're going to go into like black am I thinking, catastrophizing, ruminating, spiraling, all of that.

Like we're going to go into like Black Am I thinking, catastrophizing, ruminating, spiraling, all of that. Like we're breaking it down. And then week four will be protest behavior. And then the final week will be like, how do you rewire these patterns? And I wanted to be intentional about the work that we do. And for anybody that comes every single week, fucking thank you. Thank you for showing up. Thank you for being here.

And if you spot check, that's cool too. Thanks for listening. Even if it's your first time, your last time, or anywhere in between. I'm grateful to have you. And I think creating those stories and narratives, I was the queen of taking any small situation and turning it into like a 17 series Netflix special. I always thought, no, no, no, if it's this, then it's this.

And frankly speaking, that's why I started my podcast in this career was because I was listening to that content. As you guys know, I was ingesting a lot of it and sitting there feeling so empty and being like, I just don't understand. And now I know I catch myself. I catch myself making stories. You know, I used to be really big like my mama was too. And let me know if this sounds familiar. We're like, someone cuts you off and you're like, fucking asshole. Like, that's it. We just automatically created this entire story about this person because of something that they did that may have inconvenienced us or right. Or somebody doesn't answer you you're like they're such a piece of shit they're using me and you come up with this whole narrative and then all of a sudden they call you and everything's fine and we like almost forget what just happened but there is actually a scientific reason for that so we're going to go over the neuroscience and the psychology of that and then at the end of always we're going to give you tools tips, tricks, and we're going to answer some of your questions along the way. So stick around through the end. And if you don't, that's okay. Just mark this as finished. Girls trying to do what she can to get her downloads up, my babes. And that's just part of this process. So welcome to owning a small business. Okay, let's talk about why humans create stories.

So stories actually keep us safe. There is a meaning-making in survival. So humans evolved to create narratives to make sense of incomplete information. They have to fill in the blanks because think about if a cave person heard like a bush outside, they would create the story like a tiger wants to eat me. It's safer then like, oh, it's probably just wind. And the problem is now when we're in modern dating, incomplete information is the same story minus the making brain equals emotional chaos. And so what you're doing is your brain is creating these narratives because having a story that's wrong is better than having no story at all. And so that is why we go right into the nearest, right, of this person doesn't call you back for 10 minutes and you're like, that's it, they don't like me anymore. Because at a fundamental level, right? So you're not a, you're not in hunter gather days. You're not wondering if there's tigers outside of your house, but your cell phone and all of these different variables have become the new tiger. And so, you guys, if you guys know, if you've been around the block with me with the nervous system and everything, it can cause a lot of dysregulation. And your brain and your body are going to do everything it can to keep you safe. That's what we mean when we say your brain is not designed to help you grow. It's designed to keep you safe. It's not there to your brain doesn't know like,, oh, she has credit card, she's fine, or he has this or they have that. No, your brain is like, hey, somewhere along the way when we acted like this, we lost people. And so it's going to create that because think about learning from experience, right? Now, I was talking about that with, I was getting bodywork done today. And we were talking about learning from experience and me saying like, man, I made a lot of these stupid things and I want to say mistakes. I made a lot of these stupid choices in my early 20s. I was like, I'm so grateful because I learned. Now, on a primal level, like, that's great, right? I am learning. I'm evolving. I am understanding what's coming up for up for me i'm figuring this stuff out but the problem is when i haven't really processed it when you're not healed and you're

just going back on the same shit that you used to go through all the time in your childhood it's maladaptive

it's no longer keeping you safe and that's what we mean by self-sabotage is really self-protection

you're not doing these thingsprotection. You're not

doing these things to hurt yourself. You're not intentionally trying to fuck yourself over. Your

body thinks it's protecting itself. So we do need to reframe that a little bit. Now, let's talk

about the speed of story creation. So here's the research. Humans make judgments within a hundred

milliseconds of seeing someone's face real fucking quick.

That's why your brain creates stories faster than you can consciously process the information,

right? That hypervigilance, you see someone's face change slightly. Your brain instantly goes like,

oh my God, they're annoyed with me. Before you even know what you're reacting to, then by the time

you even fucking analyze the story,

it's already written. And that, I think, is the detrimental part of how quickly this happens. And we're going to have Chris, my neuroscientist bestie. He's coming on in a month or so. And he did a video recently, Dr. Chris Lee, go follow him. I fucking love him. And he was saying how our brain goes to the amygdala five to ten times faster than it goes to your prefrontal cortex, which is why we go to fear quicker than we go to common sense. And a reason also too, like I like to explain a lot of this is not because I think that the intellectualizing is going to magically make everything better and that you're going to wake up tomorrow and be like, come by ya, I've had to come to Jesus moment and everything's amazing. The reason I share this is because then that way you can be like, oh, fuck, there's nothing wrong with me. Like, I'll never forget the first time I learned about anxious attachment style. And I was like, oh, there's nothing ever been wrong with me. I just learned some bullshit when I was a kid. And that's called anxious attachment. I was like I was like, it was an explanation, not an excuse. And so I want us to be able to empower so that you know this knowledge, you know this information, and you're not trying to analyze, you're not trying to understand, you're looking to see objectively what is fact and what is not. And so we're going to get to the tips on that. And a lot of it is stuff you guys have heard, but we've put it into an area. So here are the three big story categories that we start to create. So the first one is the rejection story. And the pattern here is that any neutral or ambiguous behavior gets turned into evidence of rejection or loss of interest. So some of the questions are kind of comments you guys had asked was, why do I immediately assume the worst when something feels off? Well, because think about it, something feels off triggers your threat detection system. So it's faster, right? We talked about earlier, to assume danger than to be wrong and assume safety and get hurt. So your brain right now is not trying to do this on purpose. But what happens is when you see one small thing growing up, it was, oh my God, you didn't see that. And because you didn't see that, you got hurt. And so we're never going to do this again. And we then starting getting to these patterns. And then when you're not conscious of it, when you're not aware of it, it happens so much faster. It took me years to break this. I'm not going to lie. It did. It took me years to break this part of me because I would always assume friends, dating, relationships, people, work. It didn't matter. I assumed the worst of them before I ever assumed anything positive. And it's so funny, I was out to brunch with my brother and his girlfriend. And she's incredibly secure and she laughed and we were saying something and she goes, yeah, that is the difference. She was like, I was out to brunch with my brother and his girlfriend. And she's incredibly secure. And she laughed and we were saying something. And she goes, yeah, that is the difference. She was like, I was raised to not think that of people. And my brother and I were talking about how we not trust people. And we all chuckled because we were like, look at the difference. Look at the difference between a traumatic childhood and household where you were really on edge at all times versus somebody who had like a really secure upbringing.

Who has her own shit? Like don't me wrong. She's a human. But who doesn't automatically create those stories and go for the worst. It's actually wild to see. By the way, if anybody hasn't bought their mug, don't forget y'all, Sabrina's over merch. We only have like four pullovers left total. That's it. And then we're doing a new print, and we're only doing one and a limited run.

So get it now.

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