161: How Do I Get my Teens to Want to Spend Time with Me?

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens

Dr. Lisa Damour/Reena Ninan

Mental Health, Kids & Family, Health & Fitness, Parenting

4.7 • 824 Ratings

🗓️ 12 March 2024

⏱️ 25 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

A concerned parent seeks Dr. Lisa's guidance on building and maintaining a connection with her teenage son. Despite efforts to spend quality time together, most family activities are met with resistance. The parent wonders if it’s normal for her 15-year-old son and, more recently, her 11-year-old daughter, to hold their parents at a distance. Dr. Lisa and Reena explore the challenges of enforcing family time and suggest alternative approaches that can work. The episode answers several key questions, including: Is having dinner together sufficient to strengthen family bonds? How do parents foster connection during the turbulent teen years? And when it is time to worry about a teen’s reluctance to spend time with the family? ________________ Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens is the essential podcast for parents seeking expert guidance, tested strategies, and psychological insights on raising kids, especially tweens and teens. Join renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and former journalist and mom of two Reena Ninan as they explore real-life parenting challenges. Looking to learn more about how to boost kids’ resilience, build their confidence, or support their emotional well-being? Dr. Lisa and Reena have got you covered! Together they address listener questions about stress, anxiety, social media concerns, school pressures, and challenges in peer relationships. Each episode provides practical advice and science-backed solutions to help parents raise resilient, confident, and emotionally healthy kids. Tune in every week for the latest topics in parenting, child psychology, and family wellness. Get answers to your most pressing parenting questions. New episodes drop every Tuesday. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, I'm Rina Ninean and this is Ask Lisa, the Psychology of Parenting Podcast.
0:10.7	It's a podcast to help parents better understand their kids. Dr. Lisa DeMore, a psychologist with three
0:17.2	decades of experience, and the author of three New York Times best-selling parenting
0:21.8	books takes your questions. Both of us are moms ourselves, and we're eager to hear from you.
0:27.1	So send us your questions to Ask Lisa at Dr.LisaDemore.com. And you can join our community by
0:32.8	following us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. The handle is Ask Lisa Podcast. And also subscribe to our
0:39.7	brand new YouTube channel, Ask Lisa Podcast. Episode 161, how do I get my teen to want to spend more time
0:47.1	with me? All right, hearing back from a lot of parents about last week's episode on birth control,
0:56.0	boy, you know what still remains with me is the statistics you used in that episode.
1:01.4	Yeah. We know a lot. I mean, we are tracking the data and we can use the data to make,
1:06.8	you know, kind of good decisions as families and, you know, we can also use them to inform
1:11.7	policy. But I'm always so glad when we could just defer to the science. We don't have to make it
1:17.1	up. We don't have to like feel our way in the dark. We know, we know things. Yeah. You're always
1:23.1	great with the science. I want to read you this letter because this is something, Lisa, the parents
1:27.5	all struggle with, many of them I think struggle with, is wanting to savor every moment that
1:32.0	your child has, but your kid is starting to pull away and not wanting to do it. Here's the letter.
1:37.7	Hello, Dr. Lisa. I've been really enjoying your show. I know that in order to sustain a relationship
1:42.5	during the bad times, you need to nurture it during the good times of your life.
1:46.5	I'm having a difficult time getting any time allotted to spend with my 15-year-old son, other than when I drive him to school, friend visits, or soccer.
1:54.9	I want to put time in the bank that we can draw on later during discipline challenges, but he refuses to spend time with me or
2:02.3	our family of four. We have family dinners daily, and prior to the teen years, we spent most
2:07.4	weekends enjoying nature together on hikes, nature center visits, bike rides, etc. Any of those
	...

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