And then I started to go to this 12-step thing. I did a little 12-step with alcohol. I've also

gone to Al-Anon because I like to really get into it with like other addicts and like take care of

them a little bit. So I started to sort of like explore that facet of my bad behavior. Yeah, that's what I

wanted to ask you about was going to Al-Anon and then this one I I hadn't heard of. You told me, A-C-O-A? Yeah. So they're two, like, they're kind of

birds of a feather, but they, they're very similar. So Al-Anon is for people who, like,

chronically take care of, like, addicts and people who cause them harm. Yeah, like I think the often example you hear is

like someone is married to an alcoholic or dating an alcoholic and finally they start going to that

support group to help them deal with, you know, their partner. To taking care of a constantly sick person

and not having the self-esteem to leave. And I think Al-Anon sort of put this idea in my mind of like,

why do I feel like I, the only way I can be loved is if I take care of another person or I'm this

like ride or die person who just like holds everyone's

trauma and is helping everyone all the time and is the most loyal, loving human being at the cost

of my own sanity all the time. Why is that the only way that I feel like I can be with another

person?

Yeah.

You know, like basically, like being someone's bitch in a lot of ways, you know, that's a shitty way to phrase it.

I mean, I was going to say, it's just, it's just feeling needed.

Yeah.

And you're being manipulative.

And I've talked to this theory of just like not even related to alcohol.

Yeah.

But just with a lot of men liking needy, sad, depressed women.

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