Welcome to the happiness podcast. I'm Dr. Robert Puff. When we're a kid, particularly when we

have the teenage years, I think there's a real tendency to think that if everyone likes me or if I do something great, then everyone will like me and I'll be happy.

Or sometimes if we know we can't get everyone to like us, we at least want to not stand out and kind of blend in so we're not

ostracized, so we're not attacked, so we're not treated poorly by others. If we're just

okay, then life probably isn't so bad. And this okayness or this desire

for love and admiration from others boils down to one thing. It's all about our ego.

It's about what we call ourselves and wanting that self to be liked by others.

What I'm going to argue today though is that this self is the path of suffering and the

less we identify or need this self to be liked by others, the more we're going to find

happiness. Why am I saying that?

Well, one aspect of it has to do with internal versus external locus of control.

You see, if our ego cares about what other people think about us and our

happiness is contingent upon that acceptance, then that gives them control over

us.

For example, we may go to work one day

and we've been working on a project for a very long time.

And let's say that project fails or something goes wrong with it. Our colleagues who we work with may think

badly of us for failing, for doing poorly, or fill in the blank. So what happens is because of their disapproval of us, our happiness goes into the

toilet. And if we're needing their approval to get back our happiness, then we can work really hard to undo that mistake if it's even possible, or we can just

stay in the toilet and not do well in life and be unhappy. But let's say we take the first approach and we really do well at our

work again. We get out there, we hustle, we make some deals and things seem to be going well

again. Well, not everyone may like that. We may have colleagues that

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