You're listening to 3 in 30 takeaways for Mom's episode 143, healing emotionally after birth trauma.

Welcome to 3 in 30, a podcast for Mom's who want to create more meaning in motherhood.

Each 30-minute episode will feature three doable takeaways for you to try at home with your family this week.

I'm your host Rachel Nielsen. Thank you so much for being here.

Shortly after the birth of my daughter Sally, my husband and I were with some friends when they asked Ryan if witnessing the birth of his daughter was the most amazing experience of his life.

I was holding baby Sally in my arms and I remember feeling a little swell of pride at the question, knowing that he would say yes because that's what all husbands say, right?

That witnessing the birth of their child is the most amazing experience of their lives.

I was surprised when their question was met by silence for several seconds.

I looked up at Ryan and examined his face and I could see that he wasn't sure what to say.

Yeah, he said a little hesitantly, it was good.

The conversation quickly moved on, but I have to admit I was a little hurt.

I had worked hard to bring that baby into the world, going through IVF and an incredibly difficult pregnancy.

I had some scary complications at the end and Sally had to be induced early and on top of that she was posterior, so it was a painful delivery and she was born very bruised and battered.

After all of that, he didn't think witnessing the birth of our miracle baby was magical.

It might sound ridiculous, but since I've been a teenager, I have thought about the verse in the old country song Real Life,

where the singer sings about watching his baby be laid across his wife's chest and how he never was the same again.

Does anyone know the song that I'm talking about?

Anyway, later that evening when Ryan and I were talking, I asked him if I'd read his body language correctly in that conversation with our friends,

was witnessing Sally's birth not magical for him?

He admitted that no, it wasn't, and at first I was offended, but then he went on to say,

Rachel, you were in so much pain and I hated that there was nothing I could do about it.

I felt so helpless, I was scared for the baby and confused about what was going on, especially when she didn't make any noise for over a minute after she was born and the nurses took her away to work on her without telling us what was going on.

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