14: The Boy-Related Eagle Plan (The Story of Ahikar)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 6 August 2018

⏱️ 82 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Get out of the cistern and cut your nails, Theophiloi, because it's time for a brand new episode! Join us as we take on the extremely apocryphal book of Ahikar, Tobit's maybe nephew. This leads us to the biggest fight we've ever had on the show, which is about whether the Pharaoh's riddle contest is actually a riddle contest or not (it's not, but the eagle boys are pretty dope).

Topics of discussion: A debate over the premise of the show that sends Chris's voice spiraling up about six octaves, Tu B'av, the Jewish calendar, a bit of self-promotion unrelated to Bible, Aesop who isn't real either, Deuterocanon and pseudepigrapha, the first of what we assume will be many mentions of Grand Admiral Thrawn, a number that constitutes "a lot of wives," all the numbers in the Bible, a pretty vindictive answer to a prayer, Ahikar's dubious teaching methods, drubbing, some low-hanging fruit, God vs. April, a truly bonkers level of animal cruelty, and Chris getting lightheaded from laughing at his own joke. It's a good one.

If you enjoy the show, you can support us at: ko-fi.com/apocrypals

Transcript

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0:00.0	Then he took two little lads, and spent every day sacrificing lambs and feeding the eagles and the boys, and making the boys right on the backs of the eagles, and he bound them with a firm knot and tied the cable to the feet of the eagles, and let them soar upwards little by little, every day, to a distance of ten cubits, till they grew accustomed and were educated to it, and they rose all the length
0:21.8	of the rope till they reached the sky, the boys being on their backs, then he drew them to himself.
0:28.2	The book of Ahikar, chapter 5, verse 11.
0:31.8	The book of Ahikar. We're We walk the streets at night
0:52.3	We go where we go stand
0:54.7	They pick up every movement
0:57.3	They pick up every loser
0:59.7	We're dead in eyes and features
1:02.1	You think they really care
1:04.7	Hello friends and neighbors
1:07.4	And welcome to Apocry Pals
1:08.8	It's the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible, and we try not to be jerks about it.
1:13.8	My name is Chris Sims, and with me as always is the other set of footprints, Benito Sereno.
1:18.8	Benito, how are the Sons of Thunder this fine morning?
1:21.8	Well, this Thunderson is feeling pretty good.
1:25.9	How are you, Chris?
1:27.3	I'm doing all right.
1:28.0	Just got a haircut, which is nice.
1:29.4	Nice, very nice.
1:30.2	I need one myself.
1:31.6	Unlike certain biblical figures, I always feel stronger after a haircut.
1:35.7	True.
	...

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