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Mormon Stories Podcast

1392: The Faith Journey of an Ultra-Orthodox, Utah County Mormon Mom - Gretchen Day

Mormon Stories Podcast

Dr. John Dehlin

Religion & Spirituality

4.65.2K Ratings

🗓️ 3 February 2021

⏱️ 279 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

After being raised by an orthodox Mormon mother and a "redneck, somewhat Jack Mormon Pioneer stock dad," Gretchen Day decided that she was going to be an "all in" Mormon mother. After getting engaged at age 19 (as a BYU Freshman), Gretchen went on to get married in the LDS temple, and to fulfill many of the stereotypes of a Utah County Ultra-Orthodox Mormon mother, including:

  • Having 8 children.
  • Homeschooling her children using Book of Mormon-based curriculum.
  • Raising her children with little to no media.
  • Imposing strict "modesty" guidelines on her children (mostly her daughters).
  • Doing at least one underwater home birth.
  • Pursuing strict dietary practices ("perfect eating) such as restricting sugar, eating only raw, vegan foods, etc.

Over time, Gretchen's ultra-orthodox Mormon dream began to crumble in several different ways:

  • She began to experience serious depression.
  • She started making serious life decisions based on "spiritual experiences" based on feelings -- that may not have been very healthy for her (in hindsight).
  • Some of her children started to lose their testimonies of the church.
  • She had a son who became seriously depressed and ultimately suicidal, based in part on inhumane "worthiness" interviews conducted by well-intentioned bishops, mission, and stake presidents - who were/are operating within an abusive system. This included feeling pressure to lie about his faith crisis to his home ward and BYU bishop, in order to keep his place at BYU and to stay in good standing with the church.
  • She began learning about factual Mormon church history (e.g., polygamy, Book of Mormon problems), which became deeply triggering for her.

As Gretchen's faith began to crumble, she started to feel trapped within the Utah County Mormon bubble.

  • Should she lie to her son about her faith journey, as he was preparing to leave on his mission, or should she be honest with him and risk spoiling his experience?
  • Was she trapped in a "Mormon mafia" of sorts, with no escape?
  • Should she "come out" to fellow ward members and leadership, and risk social ostracization?
  • Or should she quietly "fade away" from church activity to avoid any conflict?

In Gretchen's case, she decided to leave the church in a very vocal fashion. This has included:

If you are seeking a powerful, inspiring story of one ultra-orthodox Utah county Mother's journey out of Mormonism, this is it. If you enjoyed the interviews of folks like Donna Showalter, Leah Young, you will deeply treasure this interview (but only after it breaks your heart).

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hello everyone and welcome to another edition of Mormon Stories podcast. I'm your host John

0:05.1

Delin. It is January 30th, 2021 and today we have for you a real treat. For those of you

0:13.9

who have been following Mormon Stories podcast for many years, this is going to be a Mormon

0:19.2

Stories podcast very much in the tradition of Lila Toulor, Lee and Cody Young, Jason and

0:26.4

Jeannie Booth, you know, my dear friends Julie and Jerry Johnson. Oh, and Donna Schoelalter,

0:31.6

remember those Mormon Stories podcast episodes where we find a super Mormon, somebody who

0:36.7

was just Orthodox and about super committed to the church, kind of like your gold star,

0:44.6

super true believing Mormon, ultra Orthodox and then something happens and they have a

0:50.4

faith crisis. That is who we have in store for you today. Her name is Gretchen Day. Hey Gretchen,

0:56.3

welcome. Thank you. Thanks for joining us. Gretchen has been Mormon for most if not all of her life.

1:03.3

She married in the temple. She had eight children with her husband. She homeschooled a lot of her

1:09.8

children for much of her adult life and she would probably have been one of the least people in her

1:16.8

ward or steak or family to ever anyone to have ever imagined actually having a faith crisis and

1:23.0

or leaving the church. But she did have a faith crisis and we'll see how she dealt with that

1:29.3

and if she is stayed in the church or left the church, that's to be seen in the arc of the narrative.

1:36.0

But that's what we have in store for you today. I think I should mention at the outset,

1:41.5

Gretchen is the author of several books and these happen to be children's books. These books are

1:47.2

a series called Value Based Parenting. The first one has called Protecting Children from Unethical

1:53.5

Persuasion. I think it's inspired by Stephen Hassan's work on cults. So it's basically how to help

1:59.6

protect your kids from becoming members of a cult or an unhealthy organization. The second book is

2:05.4

My Belief or Yours Critical Thinking 101, co-written by Gretchen Day and S. Jackson Rivera.

2:13.2

And a third book is being positive and present makes us safer.

...

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