135 How Your Story Affects Your Sexuality
The Place We Find Ourselves
Adam Young
4.8 • 2.5K Ratings
🗓️ 23 March 2023
⏱️ 44 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Jay Stringer joins me to talk about the relationship between our current sexual difficulties and our story in our family of origin. Sexual struggles are rooted in our stories—and, very often, our stories of attachment to our primary caretakers. As Jay puts it, “When it comes to sexual struggles, there are always two story lines at play: there is the story line of your present sexual struggles, and then there is the story line of your growing up experiences which set you up for those present sexual struggles.” If you want to explore your sexual story in more depth, please sign up for the Sexual Attachment Conference on May 5-6. You can sign up here.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Thank you for listening to the place we find ourselves podcast. I'm Adam Young and I'm joined |
| 0:05.9 | today by fellow therapist and author Jay Stranger. Jay, it's good to see you. Adam, it's |
| 0:12.2 | very good to see you. We are going to talk about how our stories affect our sexuality. |
| 0:19.1 | And in part, you're here today as an expert in this field. This is your niche. How our |
| 0:25.0 | stories affect our sexuality as adults. And right from the beginning, I'm mindful about |
| 0:31.7 | how fraught sexuality is, how difficult and painful it can be. Even though, of course, sexuality |
| 0:39.5 | is designed for pleasure. So let's start with this Jay. How common are sexual difficulties |
| 0:46.8 | in committed romantic relationships? Sexual difficulties are so much more common and |
| 0:53.8 | broad in scope than any of us would like to admit. So let me share a few statistics. 30% |
| 1:01.0 | of women and 15% of men report having low sexual desire. About a third of all marriages will |
| 1:08.4 | be impacted by extramarital affairs and subsequent pain from betrayal trauma. 10 to 15% of women |
| 1:15.8 | report sexual pain. About 30% of men report problems with premature ejaculation. Studies |
| 1:23.5 | have shown that things like porn use can nearly double the probability of a couple getting |
| 1:29.1 | divorced. And less, I keep going. The final one that I would share would just be 80% of women |
| 1:34.9 | than about 43% of men report coming from some form of sexual harassment or assault in their |
| 1:41.9 | lifetime. So what I think the numbers begin to show but can't fully name is just how much |
| 1:49.5 | heartache, anxiety and madness that sexual problems can create in the life of an individual |
| 1:56.7 | or a couple. And one study found that only about one or less than one in four couples actually |
| 2:03.4 | feel like they can talk about sex or sexual problems openly in their life. And so I think just |
| 2:09.3 | the reality that so many of us are dealing with is that we have so little language, so little |
| 2:14.9 | preparation to navigate the inevitable problems that emerge in committed relationships. And |
| 2:21.4 | certainly for those that come from a faith background of some kind, we were led to believe that |
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