131 - Uncomfy in the Planet Fitness Locker Room
Camp Counselors with Zachariah Porter and Jonathan Carson
PodcastOne
5 • 2.8K Ratings
🗓️ 23 April 2025
⏱️ 63 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this episode, we talk about our mission to become the best hosts in the neighborhood... if only anxiety would stop crashing the party lol. We dive into the Unclaimed Baggage 2025 report, a fascinating and kinda unhinged roundup of the bizarre (yet nunu nana) items people leave behind in lost luggage. Zach covers the story of a man who tracked down his own stolen truck and is now changing careers to become a private detective. Plus, we discuss David Archuleta being a PG-13 hottie, and Beyoncé’s stunning music. You know you're homework, go listen with lyrics pulled up... why are you still reading this? We're gonna go have a gin martini with Sammich. Well Zachariah is. Jonathan will pout.
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Sponsors:
➜ This episode is sponsored in-part by Liquid I.V.
➜ This episode is sponsored in-part by Pretty Litter.
➜ This episode is sponsored in-part by Thrive Market.
➜ This episode is sponsored by Progressive Insurance. See if you can save on insurance at Progressive.com
Sources:
➜ Mike Singletary. “The 2025 Found Report.” Unclaimed Baggage, Unclaimed Baggage, 9 Apr. 2025.
➜ Heather Walker & Darcelle Hall. “Man Charts His Own Path, Drives over 800 Miles to Find Stolen Truck after He Says BSO’s Investigation Took Too Long.” WSVN 7News Miami, 9 Apr. 2025.
Camp Songs:
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Have you ever canoed down a babbling brook? |
| 0:03.0 | No, but I have cried at a Taco Bell. |
| 0:06.0 | Oh, same thing. |
| 0:08.0 | Listen up, campers. |
| 0:09.0 | It's time to buckle up, pitch a tent, and take a hike. |
| 0:11.0 | Because camp counselors is a variety show. |
| 0:13.0 | So prepare for a good old-fashioned kumbaya, weird news, |
| 0:17.0 | hot gossip, and scary stories around the campfire. |
| 0:20.0 | So spooky. |
| 0:21.7 | Is this podcast even about camping? |
| 0:23.4 | No, but it is camp. |
| 0:25.7 | This is camp counselors. |
| 0:30.5 | Hey, happy campers. |
| 0:32.8 | Welcome back to Camp Shady Birch. |
| 0:35.1 | It is week 131 here at camp and day 16 post hair transplant up for me. |
| 0:45.9 | If you're watching this video on YouTube, that is why I'm wearing this on my head. It is more |
| 0:50.8 | comfortable. You don't want to see what's going on under here. It's not bad. The hairs are growing |
| 0:54.0 | and it looks great. What are you talking about? I just wish my whole head would have been shaved |
| 0:58.3 | for the whole thing. So it would all be growing in evenly. It's just like chaotic. I don't know what to do |
| 1:02.7 | with it. I can't brush it. And it's just like a spooky, scary mess that's going on under there. And wearing a hat is so uncomfortable. The front of the |
| 1:12.6 | hats, because like right here where my forehead, where, um, where soul meets body, according to |
| 1:18.4 | death cab for cutie, it is the most painful when something's rubbing against it. And the back |
... |
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