Ah, greetings, my ghoulish guess.

Tonight's Halloween tales are guaranteed to make your skin crawl and your bedsheets shake.

We've dug up a collection of creepy chronicles so chilly

and your wish you'd left the nightlight on. Beware the Candyman, the killer who proves that

too much sugar really can rot more than your teeth. We'll climb into a haunted bunk bed that's anything but restful,

where something sinister slumbers beneath the sheets,

and bedtime stories end in screams.

Then we'll meet the Amber Man,

a poor soul who learned that the flames of the afterlife burn just as hot as they do in life.

And finally, clutch your car doors tight as there's a high chance of haunting hook handery.

So grab your candy, keep your limbs inside the coffin, and prepare for a night of gruesome giggles and hair-rising howls

in tonight's Spook-Toper special episode of

Theorist Theorizing.

Yeah, ha, ha, ha, ha ha ha ha. Nih-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h... Welcome to Tales from the Crypt.

I mean, The Earth's Deer Rising.

Tales of the Hook.

What?

What you fucking mean?

Now we're back.

We've been plotting for months.

We're back for another Spooktober special.

As you can see, before we start the podcast today,

...