Welcome to Legends of Aventress.

Are you a loser with no direction, a pocket full of change, and an unshakable sense of dread?

Then come hide out at the local cheese.

Everybody cheer and then look uncomfortable.

We've got pizza. We've got unexplained holiday decorations.

We've got unresolved rivalries, games, and prizes.

Everybody beat a screaming pinata to death as coins tumble out.

And the local cheese is changing just like it always has. decor old management every food item battered and dredged in the ashes of our enemies everybody pretend to take a bite of something crunchy and then nod and give a thumbs up

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You're already here.

The local cheese is not accountable for seasons,

cursed prizes, leap year day possession, or romantic subplots.

No refunds after February 8, 1996.

Derry is the greatest fake commercial male on the planet.

Static.

Static.

The commercial cuts to a young and beautiful human woman in a bright blue blazer with shoulder pads.

She clutches a large microphone featuring the letters LCN.

A helicopter circles the building behind her, spotlight searching as a crowd watches and points.

This is February O'Hulah, Ann, live from the Greek-slicked streets of 90s,

reporting live outside the local cheese, where authorities have confirmed a full lockdown is in effect.

Some eyewitnesses claim they saw steam or smoke rising up from the vents.

...