And you know what, the brain has a difficult time distinguishing between reality and a

nightmare to the to the brain and stuff it's all real that's why you react with

the heart the you know the the nervous system, the sweating and everything because the

brain, at that level you believe it's really happening to you.

Right.

Yeah, so that's what I started doing. I started getting fucked up nearly every single night.

How much would it take for you to get fucked up enough to where you could sleep?

At that point it was like I started drinking a little bit more liquor and then more, you know, just kind of mixing it,

liquor and beer.

And was there ever any temptation to move to

pharmaceuticals no no I never I never I mean that's the most pharmaceuticals

I did was just a Tylenol and aspirin trying to get rid of those headaches.

But no, I never, I never dipped into any, any narcotics or anything like that.

Yeah, because sometimes you get prescribed, you know, Xanax or other stuff, you know, or you'd have a pain pill because you went through and people would, you know, obviously that's we saw what happened with OxyContin and, you know, things like that.

So, I don't want to short circuit a lot of what we're going to talk about too, but I do want to, let's talk about the third

one because now this happens 11 months after, now you've got another shooting now within

seven months basically after this one and this is

kind of what sets the stage for you to say we got to make a change here so let's cover just at a higher level

but let's talk about the third shooting because I what I want to do with

our time is really get into the rehab what it took for you to get there you know what kind of impact

it's made on you so set the stage now for the third shooting you know I assume it's about seven months later right

after this one yeah so the second OIS was April 3rd of 2019 my next OIS was November 9th of

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