124: How to Get What You Really Want Out of Conflict, with Bonni Stachowiak
Coaching for Leaders
Dave Stachowiak
4.8 • 1.6K Ratings
🗓️ 20 January 2014
⏱️ 42 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Bonni Stachowiak: Teaching in Higher Ed
Bonni is the host of the Teaching in Higher Ed podcast, Dean of Teaching and Learning and Professor of Business and Management at Vanguard University, and my life partner. Prior to her academic career, she was a human resources consultant and executive officer for a publicly traded company. Bonni is the author of The Productive Online and Offline Professor: A Practical Guide*.
Bonni and I discussed three steps for getting what you most want out of conflict:
- Recognize our tendency to focus on ourselves being right and the other party being wrong.
- Getting clear on the feeling factor: becoming aware of our own feelings and learning to express them accurately to another party
- Know your short and long-term goal. “Given what has already transpired that you can’t change, what do you want to have come out of this situation?”
We recommended Difficult Conversations*
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | So you're in the midst of conflict and frustrated with the other party. |
| 0:04.0 | What can you do to get what you really want? |
| 0:07.0 | On today's show, The Path to Get There. |
| 0:09.0 | This is Coaching for Leaders, Episode 124. |
| 0:13.6 | Produced by Innovate Learning, |
| 0:16.1 | Maximizing Human Potential. |
| 0:18.8 | Greetings to you from Orange County, California. This is coaching for leaders and I'm your |
| 0:27.2 | host Dave Stahoviac. This is a weekly coaching show to help us all be better leaders through improved communication, |
| 0:36.0 | human relations, and personal productivity. |
| 0:39.1 | And today, a topic that is one that we all deal with pretty much on a weekly if not for sure a monthly basis which is how to get what we really want out of conflict. |
| 0:50.0 | And here to join me, someone I just had some conflict with about how much she loves me and whether or not it is enough to part with one of her last cough drops |
| 0:58.0 | Bonnie Stahoviac. |
| 1:00.0 | Hello. Hello, you're back. I am back. You're also high in the list of people I feel really sorry for in life right now. |
| 1:07.0 | Actually, you're pretty much way on top of that list gold metal status because not only have you had this horrible cold for a week but you are now nine months pregnant. |
| 1:20.3 | It is true the baby could be here anytime. Hopefully not during this episode. I mean not any time like within the minute but we're talking early February is is probably when she'll arrive. We are officially on baby watch here so things are pretty excited. |
| 1:33.6 | Baby watch 2014. |
| 1:35.4 | Yeah I feel like there should be like some weather channel something |
| 1:39.6 | something going on but we are here for a really important topic which is how to handle conflict. And this is. |
| 1:46.0 | Go ahead. We're going to have some conflict. |
| 1:48.6 | Right now. No, I wanted to hear the story of how the episode came about because you got an email from a guy. |
| 1:53.8 | I did, I did. |
| 1:55.6 | And I received an email this week from someone I hadn't heard from in a year or so, past client. |
... |
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