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The Jordan Harbinger Show

1226: James Kimmel, Jr. | No Even Scores in the Science of Revenge

The Jordan Harbinger Show

Jordan Harbinger

Social Sciences, Self-improvement, Entrepreneurship, Talk Radio, Business, Science, Education

4.8 β€’ 12.1K Ratings

πŸ—“οΈ 21 October 2025

⏱️ 89 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Your brain on revenge looks like your brain on drugs. Here, Dr. James Kimmel, Jr. explores the neuroscience of vengeance and the power of forgiveness.

Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/1226

What We Discuss with James Kimmel, Jr.:

  • Revenge activates the same brain circuitry as drug addiction. When we experience grievances, our brain's pain centers light up, triggering cravings for revenge that activate the nucleus accumbens and dorsal striatum β€” the same pleasure and addiction pathways used by cocaine, gambling, and alcohol. This explains why revenge feels temporarily euphoric but leaves us wanting more.
  • Most violence stems from perceived victimization, not inherent evil. Nearly all forms of human violence β€” from playground bullying to terrorism and genocide β€” originate from revenge-seeking behavior. The perpetrator almost always views themselves as a victim first, making revenge the root cause of mass shootings, intimate partner violence, gang conflicts, and even war.
  • Imagined grievances trigger real revenge desires with real-world consequences. It doesn't matter whether victimization is real or manufactured β€” if it feels real in your head, it produces genuine revenge cravings. This explains how leaders like Hitler used the "stab in the back" myth to mobilize a nation, and why mass shooters nurse perceived slights that no one else remembers.
  • Revenge addiction destroys relationships and keeps you trapped in the past. Unlike self-defense (which protects your future), revenge always looks backward, creating a preoccupation with past wrongs. It damages every relationship, increases anger and anxiety, and paradoxically makes you feel worse after the initial dopamine hit fades β€” all while fearing retaliation.
  • Forgiveness is the neurological cure β€” and you can learn it. Science now shows we're hardwired for forgiveness as much as revenge. Forgiveness actually stops pain rather than just covering it up, shuts down revenge cravings, and reactivates your prefrontal cortex. Dr. Kimmel's "Nonjustice System" β€” a role-play trial method tested at Yale β€” gives you a practical way to be heard, hold someone accountable in your mind, and ultimately release yourself from past wounds. More tools and insights coming in part two later this week.
  • And much more...

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Transcript

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0:00.0

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1:05.3

Coming up next on the Jordan Harbinger Show. The addiction circuitry, that's the nucleus

1:10.5

dorsal stratum, those are the pleasure,

1:13.5

craving, and habit formation areas of the brain that are activated for drug and alcohol addiction.

1:20.7

So it's the same neurosurcuitary. And then as part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex that is there

1:26.6

to stop you from doing things

1:28.1

that lead to negative consequences, if that's inhibited or hijacked, then you may go out on a revenge-seeking

1:34.7

binge that leaves your fantasy behind and becomes a real-life revenge attack.

1:43.0

Welcome to the show. I'm Jordan Harbinger. On the Jordan Harbinger show, we decode the stories,

1:48.3

secrets, and skills of the world's most fascinating people and turn their wisdom into practical

1:53.0

advice that you can use to impact your own life and those around you. Our mission is to help you

1:57.4

become a better informed, more critical thinker through long-form conversations with a variety of amazing folks, from spies to CEOs, athletes, authors, thinkers,

2:06.0

and performers, even the occasional organized crime figure, journalist turned poker champion,

2:10.8

cold case homicide investigator, or hostage negotiator.

2:13.8

And if you're new to the show or you want to tell your friends about the show, I always

2:16.9

suggest our starter packs.

2:18.3

These are collections of our favorite episodes on topics like persuasion and negotiation, psychology, geopolitics, disinformation, China, North Korea, crime and cults, and more.

2:27.5

That'll help new listeners get a taste of everything we do here on the show.

2:30.4

Just visit jordanharbinger.com slash start or search for us in your spotify app to get started today on the show

2:37.1

revenge it feels good until it doesn't we've all fantasized about it right the ex who wronged us the boss

...

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