When you love someone who drinks too much or has substance abuse issues, you are hoping with all your heart that they will finally get sober. You want the pain and suffering to end. So are you helpless? Do you have to sit back and wait patiently for your partner to decide that enough is enough? No way!

Waiting for your loved one to get sober leads to depression, anxiety, and resentment. Yuck!

Today, I'm going to teach you a two-step formula that needs to happen if you want to see a change in your relationship.

And before we start going into our first step, I was afraid you might be feeling a little overwhelmed, since there's a lot we're going to cover today. I thought it would be helpful if I created a free download that will arrive in your inbox in moments. It's a list of all the steps we discuss in this blog post. You can print it out and tuck it away.

Now, before we get started, I want to add a disclaimer. You are an intelligent woman, so what I'm about to share may sound obvious.

The only way your partner is truly going to get sober is when he or she decides to get sober.

Simple and frustrating, right? Yeah.

But you're not powerless. There are very specific things you can do and things you should not do that might help your partner say "enough is enough."  Or, even better, get you feeling the love, joy, and peace you're looking for whether he or she gets sober or not.

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First, here's a checklist of common do's and don'ts.

Go through this list and if you're doing anything that you shouldn't, stop.

Do not nag about your partner's drinking.

Do not beg him or her to stop.

Do not yell or slam doors or storm out when you feel angry, hurt, or resentful.

Do not pour out their alcohol or switch their drinks.

Do not get other family members to talk to your loved one about their issues.

Do not pick up after him or her and act like their mother – leave the clothes on the floor, don't make doctors appointments, or remind them to go to work.

Do not find a rehabilitation center or drive your partner to AA meetings. They can find a friend or sponsor if they lost their license.

Get yourself ready in the morning with pride – put on your nice clothing, do your hair and makeup – this is for your own care, not to please your loved one.

Surround yourself with things that give you joy – coffee with friends, your favorite music, books, and movies.  Gardening, painting, exercising.

Go to a weekly support meeting or therapist.

Do not talk your friend's or family's ears off about your partner's issues – that's what support groups, therapists, and our community are for.

Don't lend your loved one money or your car.

This is your work. Not anyone else's. You have complete control over your behaviors. I didn't say it was going to be easy but this checklist is necessary.

Once you have attempted to master each one of those steps, you are ready to surrender your relationship to God.

You are ready to leave it in His hands and He will take it from you and work amazing miracles in your life.

Until you have truly done your work you, cannot ask God to do His. 

You have to break the patterns and the dysfunctional cycles for Him to move mountains in your relationship.

Here's the best news:  this process doesn't need to take years, months, or even weeks. You can get started today.

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If you're ever looking for support on this journey, check out the three programs we offer. They are all work-at-your-own-pace and you'll have lifetime access, so you're able to take as long as you need. I know these changes take time. I'm here to support you and cheer you on.

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