115: Hell Is The Big Show (The Life of St. Christina the Astonishing)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 27 October 2024

⏱️ 99 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

CONTENT WARNING: Our discussion of St. Christina includes mention of self-harm and mental illness.

It's Halloween, TheoKILLoi, and that means it's time once again for our annual tradition of Haints and Saints! This year, we're covering St. Christina the Astonishing, who certainly lives up to her epithet, although possibly not in the way that her hagiographer was intending. We dive into the life of the appropriately sainted patron of mental illness, a woman of incredible subtlety who hated the smell of men and got real into foot stuff. Also, she was a zombie, and that's like the fifth wildest part of this entire story.

Topics of Discussion: a very professional false start, the John Wick of Cows, goblin solidarity, Chris's dubious namesake, hell-adjacent areas, Arrakis (desert planet), the Morph Ball, Heinz MayoChup™, disrespecting Stolas, the Morrison run, taberna festivulorum, foot stuff.

Hymnal: "It's All Coming Back To Me Now" by Celine Dion, "Christina the Astonishing" by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds.

This episode of Apocrypals was edited by Chris.

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey everyone. We wanted to give a content warning for this episode. Our discussion of the life of St.
0:06.5	Christina does contain a discussion of mental illness and self-harm. If you would like to skip this one and
0:15.6	join us for Second Chronicles next time, please feel free. Thanks. There was a certain noble traveling across the sea to the sepulchre of the Lord.
0:24.5	The nobleman's wife pleaded with Christina, imploring her to bring him back safely by her prayers.
0:29.8	Christina was annoyed by her plea.
0:32.7	The Life of St. Christina the Astonishing, Chapter 31.
0:36.1	There were moments of gold and there were flashes of St. Christina the Astonishing, Chapter 31. There were moments of gold and there were flashes of light.
0:41.0	There were things that never do again but said they'd always sing the right.
0:46.3	They were nights of fendulous pleasure.
0:49.3	It was more than any loss in love Baby, baby, baby.
0:58.2	If I kiss you like this, and if you wish part like that,
1:04.5	it was lost long ago, but it's all coming back to me.
1:10.3	If you want me.
1:10.8	Hello, fiends and neighbors.
1:13.0	And welcome to Apocrypal's.
1:15.6	This is the very spooky show where two nonbelievers read through the Bible,
1:19.6	but we try not to be jerks about it.
1:21.9	My name is Chris Sims.
1:23.8	And with me, as always, Chris Sims is monster.
1:26.1	Benito Serino.
1:27.1	Benito. how are you?
1:29.5	I'm a spookalicious. Spookalicious definition. Make the boys go crazy. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, I'm good. I'm good, man.
	...

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