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The Place We Find Ourselves

113 Making Sense of Your Story: Why It’s Necessary to Name Intentionality Part 1

The Place We Find Ourselves

Adam Young

Hope, Christian, Christianity, Healing, Story, Trauma, Psychotherapy, Mental Health, Restoration, Heart, Sexualabuse, Health & Fitness, Adamyoung, Therapy, Attachment, Interpersonalneurobiology, Religion & Spirituality, Limbicsystem, Neuroscience

4.82.5K Ratings

🗓️ 25 April 2022

⏱️ 24 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Naming intentionality matters because if you are unsure about whether or not the other person meant to hurt you, it will be very difficult for you to heal from your wounds. This is because you can’t heal until your brain has constructed an accurate and coherent autobiographical narrative of your life: the narrative has to be true and it has to make sense. Drawing from David Schnarch’s book Brain Talk, I explain two important concepts: mind-mapping and traumatic mind-mapping. Mind-mapping refers to your ability to map out the thoughts and feelings of another person. Traumatic mind-mapping is a collapse of your brain’s normal mind mapping abilities that occurs when you are mind-mapping someone and what you see is terrible.

Transcript

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0:00.0

You are listening to the place we find ourselves podcast.

0:04.0

I'm Adam Young.

0:05.7

And today I'm going to talk about the role of intentionality in trauma.

0:10.3

In other words, did the people who harmed me really mean to do it?

0:15.8

And if you follow the podcast, you may be aware that Cindy Mesmer and I engaged this

0:21.1

very topic in episodes 75 and 76.

0:26.0

Today's episode is not a repeat of that material.

0:31.1

Since releasing those two episodes, I have learned a lot more about this topic from an excellent

0:36.9

book called Brain Talk by David Schnarsh.

0:41.6

Brain Talk by David Schnarsh.

0:44.6

But before getting into the new material, let me just offer an apology, a defense for

0:51.2

why this subject matters, why I'm engaging it again.

0:55.6

Assume for a minute that the people who hurt you meant to do it, that it was intentional.

1:00.8

Just for a minute, let's just assume that.

1:04.2

Why is it important to name, to identify the intentionality behind their actions?

1:11.1

For example, suppose you remember that your dad would occasionally make sexually suggestive

1:17.0

comments about you when you were in high school.

1:20.4

Why does it matter if your father meant to do that?

1:25.9

Perhaps he was just clueless about how his words were impacting you.

1:30.0

Here's why naming intentionality matters so much.

1:34.4

It's because if you are unsure about whether or not your father intended to make you uncomfortable

1:41.7

with his sexually suggestive comments, if you're unsure about that, it will be very difficult

...

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