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This is optimal living daily episode 11 20 addicted to certainty by Allison Carmen of Allison Carmen dot com.

And my very own personal narrator Justin Maulick reading to you from some amazing blogs and books to help you optimize your life happy Friday to you.

I'm going to keep this intro nice and short so let's get right to the post as we optimize your life.

Addicted to certainty by Allison Carmen of Allison Carmen dot com.

So how did my journey into maybe begin came from an addiction this addiction caused me anxiety depression sleeplessness and sometimes such hopelessness that my next breath itself seemed to burden my addiction wasn't alcohol or drugs was into shop a holic or a compulsive gambler.

Yet this addiction almost destroyed me and it flicks millions of people around the world.

My addiction was to certainty at every moment in my life I desperately sought to know what was going to happen next my need for certainty caused me to believe that the unexpected was always negative.

I became devastated whenever things took an unexpected turn because I believed it meant the life I had envisioned for myself was no longer possible.

I continually sacrificed my goals and desires in an effort to feel safe and certain yet no matter what I did I cannot escape uncertainty of life and the choices I made in an effort to attain certainty always led to compromise and disappointment.

The symptoms of an addiction to certainty are peculiar and particular to each person but the common denominator is unnecessary suffering in my case I will lay awake at night in fear of what might be unable to catch my breath and unable to control my life.

My mind's chatter was my livelihood secure when my husband always loved me could I afford my life was a stocks I invested in safe would my parents children and other family members stay well.

Would there be a large scale disaster in my city would I or would I not get a raise this quarter what would the results of my annual check up be.

This onslaught of sleeplessness and anxiety began taking a toll on my immune system and I started getting sick.

The need to know the future had gripped me as a teenager and most of my 20s were spent in stress in my 30s though I was at the top of my career as an attorney I was deeply unhappy and suffering.

To deal with my illness which no doctor could identify but the symptoms of which including an array of infections allergies anxiety and depression I turned to alternative medicine to meditation acupuncture.

And any other practice I thought might relieve my physical and emotional pain.

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