111: All Skips No Hits (1 Chronicles)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 9 August 2024

⏱️ 89 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Open your ears to hear, Theophiloi! Your humble Sons of Thunder are back in style with a return to the show and to Canon Bible, just in time to kick off your Approximate Week celebrations! As promised, we're back with an in-depth look at 1 Chronicles, and while that may be the most boring part of the entire thing, we're doing our best to make it interesting. Or possibly to tear it down and debunk it, depending on who you ask.

Topics of discussion: Benito's academic qualifications, a review from Chris's mom, a dubious number of Eisner awards, true facts about Benito's secret catholic Bible college seminary past, a bad baby name, These Uncircumcised Men, Jasho Beam!, All-Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Gadites, a rare instance of the Apocrypals working blue, the interesting peculiarities of God manifesting physically in the mortal world, a special chair that Chris doesn't know about, Joyeuse, a downgrade from Wack to Weird, My Brother, My Bread, And Goliath.

Hymnal: "He-Man" by Ludacris, "Take A Chance On Me" by Stephen Mann of English Martyrs Church (https://www.youtube.com/user/Principal45)

Apocrypals is usually edited by Editorial Deacon Lucas Brown, but Chris did this one.

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17

Transcript

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0:00.0	This is the list of the Israelites, the heads of families, the commanders of thousands, and the commanders of hundreds, and their officers who served the king in every matter to do with the divisions that were on rotated military duty each month throughout the year.
0:14.0	There were 24,000 in each division.
0:17.8	First Chronicles, Chapter 27, verse 1
0:21.0	From the powers bestowed upon me by the third pose
0:27.2	Deep in the trenches of Atlanta where they learn most
0:30.5	You never heard before blow this extraordinary
0:33.6	And if the burners blow foes is in the mortuary
0:37.3	He'll prevent the destruction of this rap music By the bloodline ordinary and if the burners blow foes is in the mortuary.
0:44.0	Hello friends and welcome back to back to my wall and put a plaque to it.
0:47.4	I'm in the class all by myself, nobody's messing with me.
0:49.3	Feel free to ask about my wealth.
0:50.7	I got the weapons with me.
0:54.7	Hello, friends and neighbors, and welcome back to Apocrypal.
0:58.5	It's the podcast where two nonbelievers read through the Bible, but we try not to be jerks about it.
1:00.5	My name is Chris Sims.
1:05.0	With me, as always, the other half of your humble Sons of Thunder, Benito Serino.
1:07.0	Benito, how are you?
1:14.7	I'm good, Chris, and much like the American, much like the American rock band stained, it's been a while. I, it's been so long since we've done an episode of this show
1:21.1	that I have had forgotten. Mm-hmm. That there was a bit. And when, then I remember it and you immediately subverted it. So congratulations. That's, that's was a bit. And then I remembered and you immediately subverted it.
1:30.1	So congratulations.
1:30.9	That's how you make comedy, folks.
1:32.4	Thanks, buddy.
	...

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