#108 Effective Communication Based on Your Attachment Style

Two Stand-Up Gals

Erica Spera and Teresa DeGaetano

Comedy

5 • 647 Ratings

🗓️ 14 October 2021

⏱️ 59 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

This week the girls revisit a tried and true book "Attached: The Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find and Keep Love." Specifically they discuss the chapter on effective communication and explore how various attachment styles both struggle and succeed in communicating with their partners. The girls also share their own experiences with communication efficacy and breakdowns in past relationships. Erica approaches the conversation having tested as a 'secure' attachment style and discusses times that she's related to the 'anxious' and 'avoidant' styles in her attempts to communicate with partners. Molly, a rarer 'anxious-avoidant' attachment style, talks about her past struggles to communicate needs and emotions to romantic partners.

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Transcript

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0:30.1	This is the opposite of the rules.
0:31.8	Yeah, exactly.
0:32.5	I wrote, like, do you think that someone could ever follow the rules and be an effective communicator?
0:40.2	I think if you could follow the rules in the very, very beginning because it's all about
0:44.4	they pursue you first. But I think once you are dating someone, you absolutely need to
0:49.1	not be doing that anymore. Right. Like the example she gave specifically of like, I don't even
0:53.2	initiate cuddling with my husband. I thought to myself, I was like, well, when I'm upset, I just want to be held.
0:59.4	Yeah. I really want to talk. I just want someone to hold me and maybe rub my back a little bit. That's all I want.
1:03.3	But it's like, how are they supposed to know that? And if I'm upset, I'm not allowed to just be like, hey, babe, can you hold me for five minutes? Like, that's crazy to me.
1:11.7	Well, it's also nuts to me because most men's love languages is physical touch. Right.
1:19.8	It's like you're also just actively not appealing to that. True. And if it's something that makes you
1:25.5	feel good, why wouldn't you want to do that for your partner?
	...

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