105 - The Codependent Perfectionist w/ Alana Carvalho

Adult Child

Andrea

Relationships, Health & Fitness, Education, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Mental Health

4.9 • 1.8K Ratings

🗓️ 22 March 2023

⏱️ 72 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Codependency and perfectionism... two peas in a pod. They are both reactions to internalized shame and the belief that there's something wrong with us. They are both rooted in the belief that we are not okay. They are both rooted in the belief that we must mold into someone we are not in order to be loved and accepted. They are both rooted in seeking external validation in order to feel okay about ourselves.

“Perfectionism is a response to a shame-based and controlling home. The child mistakenly believes that she can avoid being shamed if she is perfect in her thinking and acting.” BRB p. 36

Alana Carvalho is a psychotherapist with a master’s degree in psychological counseling from Columbia University and extensive experience as a therapist, teacher, writer, and program director. She is the host of The Codependent Perfectionistic Podcast and the author of "Raising Empowered Children: The Codependent Perfectionist’s Guide to Parenting". She passionately assists people working on transforming their relationships, finding their voice, and healing trauma.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	I am recovering perfectionist and an aspiring good enoughist. My name is Andrea and this is
0:09.0	adult child. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean.
0:14.0	Yeah, yeah.
0:15.0	What you holding on to,
0:19.0	what you holding on to,
0:20.0	but just let it all go.
0:22.0	What's making you slow now? Welcome back to a adult child where we take a deep dive into the impact of a
0:25.0	old child where we take a deep dive into the impact of growing up in a dysfunctional family.
0:34.0	Ahoy, my dear shit shows.
0:38.0	Sito Nation!
0:40.0	For any new listeners, I'm Andrea and I'm a shit show and occasionally I'm going to do that.
0:47.1	Chichone Nation and I understand if you, um, if that's not for you,'ve been warned so today we are diving deep with
0:57.4	Alana Carvalho some of y'all might follow her on Instagram that's how I came
1:02.0	across her she She is the cod dependent
1:05.4	perfectionist aka all of us. So she's a therapist. She has her
1:10.6	podcast the cod dependent perfectionist and she's also the author of the book
1:15.5	Raising Empowered Children.
1:18.1	You will never in a million years guess what we are talking about today. We are talking about codependency and perfectionism.
1:26.5	What if I said hot dogs versus hamburgers? One day I should do that. I should just have a completely random topic, totally unrelated to adult child.
1:38.0	You guys are like Andrea, move it along, we're not amused.
1:41.0	Co-dependency and perfectionism go hand in hand because they both are shame-based, right?
1:48.5	They both are rooted in this belief that there's something inherently wrong with us and that if we're
	...

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