105: My Kid Complains Constantly. How Do I Get Him to Stop?

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting

Dr. Lisa Damour/Good Trouble Productions

Kids & Family, Mental Health, Parenting, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 720 Ratings

🗓️ 7 February 2023

⏱️ 26 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

How should a parent respond to a kid who seems to complain all the time? Dr. Lisa explains why complaints, though often tedious to listen to, can actually play an important role in healthy development. Reena points out that parents are usually exhausted and trying to keep a positive energy around the house; Dr. Lisa and Reena address how parents might balance allowing kids to vent with the fact that complaining can bring everyone down. This episode also addresses when it's time to worry about complaining and offers a fresh vantage point that might help you rethink your response the next time you ask your kid, “So, how was your day?” Pre-order The Emotional Lives of Teenagers by Dr. Lisa Damour. Available at www.DrLisaDamour.com Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com

Transcript

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0:00.0	This is Ask Lisa, a podcast to help people understand the psychology of parenting.
0:10.0	Psychologist Dr. Lisa DeMore, author of two New York Times best-selling parenting books, takes your questions.
0:17.0	And I'm co-host, Rina Ninan, a journalist and mom of two.
0:24.2	Some of what we talk about comes from raising children ourselves.
0:28.2	Most of the time, I'll be getting answers to your parenting questions.
0:33.1	So send your questions to Ask Lisa at Dr.Lisademore.com.
0:36.7	Episode 105, my kid complains constantly.
0:38.1	How do I get him to stop?
0:48.5	It's the nagging, they tell me. They say, I nag all the time, but if I don't nag, they're not going to do it. Yes, but as I've said before, Rena, I don't call it nagging in my
0:53.8	house. I call it offering a helpful reminder, which of course everybody rolls their eyes and doesn't think I'm funny like I think I'm funny, but I think I'm funny.
1:00.9	They say my tone is off. They say that I should ask nicer, you know, I'm just over it. And so I want to read you another parent who's also over it.
1:10.4	Dear Dr. Lisa, my fifth grade son seems to come
1:12.6	home from school in a terrible mood every day. When I ask him how the day went, he launches into a long
1:17.7	list of complaints about his teachers, classmates, the lunchroom, his homework, everything.
1:22.5	And when I try to offer suggestions, he rejects my advice. When I encourage him to have more of a
1:27.3	positive attitude, he just gets more grumpy. I encourage him to have more of a positive attitude,
1:28.3	he just gets more grumpy. I hate that he seems to be so unhappy about his days. And honestly,
1:33.3	I hate that his complaining ruins my mood too. What can I try to do to make things better?
1:40.6	Thank you for your help. Oh my gosh.
1:48.6	Where does one parent start when you want to limit the complaining, Lisa?
1:50.3	It's driving me mad too.
1:54.2	Okay, this I will tell you, we've gotten a lot of questions that I think are pretty universal.
	...

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