#1020 - Jessica Baum - Why We Fall for the Wrong People

Modern Wisdom

Chris Williamson

Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 4.6K Ratings

🗓️ 15 November 2025

⏱️ 75 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Jessica Baum is a psychotherapist, relationship expert, and author. What does it actually take to feel safe in a relationship? If you’ve had chaotic partners or a past where you never knew where you stood, safety can feel like work instead of something natural. So how do you rebuild that sense of security, and what steps help you learn to feel safe with someone again? Expect to learn what the best definition of safety in a relationship is, what some of the signs for someone feeling unsafe in a relationship from their nervous system is, the common protection strategies and inner protectors people develop, why we confuse independence with strength, why romantic relationships reflect early attachment wounds, why anxious and avoidant people find each other so magnetic, how to retrain the body to feel safe after chaos and much more… Sponsors: Modern Wisdom Merch available now - https://www.mwmerch.com 🚀 Live until Tuesday, 18th Nov See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: https://chriswillx.com/deals Get up to 60% off during Gymshark's Black Friday Sale starting Nov 16th at https://gym.sh/modernwisdom (use code MODERNWISDOM10) Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period from Shopify at https://shopify.com/modernwisdom Get 60% off an annual plan of Incogni at https:/incogni.com/modernwisdom Extra Stuff: Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom - Check out Jessica Baum's new book "SAFE" here: https://jessicabaumlmhc.com/interviewJessica's Socials: https://www.facebook.com/consciousrelationshipgroup?mibextid=wwXIfrhttps://www.instagram.com/jessicabaumlmhc?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessica-baum-lmhc-cap-038a1538?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=ios_app Episodes You Might Enjoy: #577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: https://tinyurl.com/43hv6y59 #712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: https://tinyurl.com/2rtz7avf #700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: https://tinyurl.com/3ccn5vkp - Get In Touch: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	what's your best definition of safety?
0:03.4	Oh, wow. I get so technical because safety means so much to me now.
0:09.6	So safety is just to feel really connected and like a sense of togetherness when you're with people and a feeling of relaxed and openness in your body.
0:22.5	I recently did a week-long retreat working on emotions for 12 hours a day.
0:29.6	Did your buck just fall down behind you?
0:31.3	There's a poltergeist in there.
0:33.1	That's okay.
0:35.0	I recently did a week-long retreat working on emotions for 12 hours a day.
0:40.3	And 12 hours a day, 9 a.m. till 9 p.m. for 6 and a half days. And one of the best definitions of safety that I came across while I was there was knowing that you'll be okay
0:55.8	no matter what happens.
0:57.8	I really love that as a definition of safety
1:00.7	because it feels
1:02.1	even if things are difficult,
1:04.8	it's not about hard stuff not happening.
1:07.1	It's about knowing that you'll be there
1:08.2	on the other side of it
1:09.1	and knowing that you'll be okay
1:10.7	on the other side of it as well. I wanted to get your thoughts on that given you've just written an entire book about it. Well, actually, not even about my book, but like sometimes in life we're not okay. But I think what gives me safety is knowing that I have the support that no matter what, even if not okay things happen, war,
1:30.3	crisis, that I have people around me that will be there and support me no matter what,
1:35.5	which that actually gives me a sense of safety, because we live in such a world that
1:40.1	where anything can happen and there's so much uncertainty and the support system that I have
1:45.3	actually gives me more safety than anything else. So safety is not just something that exists inside of
	...

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