Hello everybody and welcome to my podcast. This is Real Talk Kim. I am so excited that you are here with me today. You can visit my website, www.RowTalkKim.com

and be a part of my world. There's hundreds of ways that you can stay connected to me. One is to subscribe to my newsletter. Another is to download my free app, which is Real Talk Kim Go. You can also partner with me. Or you can buy through my greatest books, beautifully broken, beautifully whole, and all things. All of these are resources to help you move forward. But today, let's get into this. Today we're talking about 10 steps to move on peacefully.

How to let go of past relationships. That is our topic on today. And we're going to go from Philippians 12 through 14. I believe by the time we finish this podcast, you are going to feel like 10 pounds lighter, maybe a whole person lighter. Because you would be shocked how just us holding our self hostage of things. It really can keep us delayed.

And so I believe that after this today, you're going to be free to move forward. So today, Philippians 3, 12 through 14. It says, I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ first possessed me. No dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it.

But I focus on this one thing. This is the highlight of the scripture. For getting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God through Christ Jesus is calling us.

The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart. You know, 12 years ago, my heart was in a million little pieces that formed the basis for a million regrets. I found myself walking through divorce after 17 years.

I really did think my life was over. I really did believe the lies of the enemy that told me that I was a failure and that I was the only one in my family that couldn't keep a marriage. And I was raised in a ministry and a religion that said, if you get divorced, you're going to hell on a slip and slide.

Man, I was the queen of beating myself up every day, living in the should of could of wood of's and you know, I finally had to realize that if it should have could have been wood of it would have and that God, man, when God's mercy meets our mess, he changes everything.

I realized in that season that instead of pointing fingers that I was going to let God do surgery on me and heal me. And for the first time in my life at 36 years old, I decided to not abort the mission of healing.

And I decided to get better and not bitter and I decided to allow my mess to be my message. And I allowed God to turn my scars into stars. And man, I'm going to tell you something. It changed everything. It's everything it transformed my life when I realized these 10 steps really helped me decide to move on peacefully.

Number one, you got to practice releasing regrets. When a relationship ends, it's tempting to dwell on what you did wrong or what you could have done differently. This might seem productive like you can somehow change things by rehashing it. But you can't. All dwelling does is cause you to suffer.

When you start revisiting the past in your head, pull yourself into the moment. Focus on the good things in your current situation. The friends who are there for you and the lessons you've learned that will help you with future relationships.

It might help to tell your friends to only let you vent for 10 minutes at a time. That way you are free to express your feelings but not drown in them.

Number two, you have to work on forgiving yourself. You might think you made the biggest mistake of your life. And if only you didn't do it, you wouldn't be in pain right now.

Don't go down that road. There's nothing good down there. Instead, keep reminding yourself that you are a human. You are entitled to make mistakes. Everyone does. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life.

Also, keep in mind, if you want to feel love again in the future, the first step is to prepare yourself to give and receive it. You can only do that if you feel love toward yourself. That's right. That means forgiving yourself.

Number three, don't think about any time as lost. I know this is a hard one to do because when you find yourself at 36 years old with two kids, one nine and one 12 that need their family, they need a mom and a dad.

You've spent 17 years fighting and really the whole 17 years was fighting to make it. You know, if you've been clinging to the past for a while and now feel you've missed out, shift the focus to everything you've gained.

Maybe you've built great relationships or friendships are made great progress in your career. When you focus on the positive, it's easier to move on because you'll feel empowered and not victimized by your ex, by yourself or by time.

Whatever happened in the past, it prepared you for now. And now is full of opportunities for growth, peace and happiness. I'm going to tell you, I was clinging onto that. Oh my gosh, I've lost all this time for so long. And then I started shifting my perspective and realizing that in that time, I was pregnant twice. I had two incredible sons that God trust me with.

And I just started looking at things, the good things that came out of that relationship. And then I started focusing on the good things that were going to come out of that relationship that fell because I was going to find me in the process and I was going to become the best me that I could be.

Number four, remember the bad as well as the good brain scientist suggests nearly 20% of us suffer from. You ready for this complicated grief.

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