Miles, I got to say I was disappointed today, sir.

Why is that?

We went through the birthday emails and there wasn't a single one for dad jokes today.

And today, of all days, as it's one-liner's day.

Oh, cool.

The Mitchell Top Ten!

I got a one-liner for you if you want it.

You want a dad joke? Am I allowed to put it out over the airway, Miles? I pulled this one especially for you. For me? Yes. Oh, did you? Yes. Do we have to read the punchline later? No. Okay. We don't have to, but you might have to hit it dumb. Oh, no. Oh, you left it behind? Okay.

So I can remember it.

What is the difference between a Disney movie and Porn Hub?

What?

Pornhub doesn't make you hate the stepmother.

I'll take it.

Not from the same well, there, Miles, but this is a reader digest's list of funny one-liners.

These are going to be just a hoot and a half.

I know it's not the dude's stepmother.

I just want to see her. Come on, Mom. Stop. They're a positive stepmom community. They are. They are. They really are. Stepmom. You're stepping up, you know. You got to do this. I'm going to tell your dad. So here's some funny one-liners. He's not going to be home for a while. Sorry, just the actors that are our age, they're always the step-bom. God damn it. For readers' digest, these are some funny one-liners. Steve, did you hear that they arrested the devil? No. You know why? Why? They got them on possession. Hey, oh, I like it. Hey, Miles. What did one DNA say to the other DNA?

I don't know.

Do these genes make me look fat?

You know, Ted, my IQ test results came back.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Thank God they were negative.

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