And now, here's the question.

Ola, bitches, good day to you and yours.

All right, a man in Thailand, he is fighting for his life after suffering, quote, major blood loss.

Now, why is he suffering major blood loss?

Was he stabbed, shot, work accident?

No, no. This guy suffered major blood loss

after an 11-foot python bit him on the penis. Basically, dude went to the bathroom to pee.

The snake was in the toilet and it latched down to his junk until the guy could wrestle it off.

And I'm talking about the snake, of course.

Now, meanwhile, a guy in Australia, he went to the bathroom to poop.

So he sat on the toilet and he suffered only minor injuries.

One of five-foot python jumped up and bit, quote, his genital area.

Now, try as we might to protect our private parts.

Sometimes bad things happen to other regions, and it's not just snakes hiding in toilets, of course.

A guy won a $50 million lawsuit against Starbucks when a hot drink spilled into his lap, leaving his genitals, quote, disfigured.

You know, this figured is never a good word, but when genitals is before that word, that's about as bad as a definition as disfigured could be.

Then there's a woman in Russia.

She's not suing Starbucks.

She's suing a water park after she tore her perineum open.

Going down to water slide. For those of you not sure what the perineum is going down to water slide for those of you not sure the perineum is basically

connects the the front of your good parts to the back of your good parts she ripped it open and

kind of made one giant opening yeah and it was bad enough that she needed emergency surgery then

...