Recovery Elevator episode 40.

It just got progressively worse over from my early 20s to my mid 20s to my late 20s.

Welcome to the Recovery Elevator Podcast. My name is Paul. Thank you so much for joining us.

According to my Recovery Elevator Subriety App Tracker on my phone, I have been sober for one year. Two months, two weeks and four days, which is

fricking awesome. On today's podcast, I've got not one but two guests. I've got

Felicia. She's a mother of three and she's got 56 days of sobriety.

After that I'm doing a checkup with good old Robert. He's done two interviews on the podcast

and this one is the checkup that we said

we would do and about three to four weeks after his last interview. The topic of

today's podcast is self-loathing. Let me tell you right now if you're being sober for one year,

two months and two weeks, the self-loathing,

it continues into recovery.

What exactly is self-loathing?

Self-loathing is kicking the shit out of yourself,

mostly verbally.

But believe me, I've done it physically as well,

and I'm not even joking.

Self-loathing for me came from the shame and the guilt of not being able to air quotes control this gosh darn drinking thing.

I verbally, intrinsically kicked the shit out of myself for about a decade because I couldn't beat or

control this so-called alcohol thing or my drinking problem which I denied having

for near short of a decade. So let me just walk you through an average morning from, I don't know,

2005 to about a year ago. And if you're listening to this podcast episode, I don't know, maybe at your grandma's house,

...