038: Ask David — Negative Messages from Society

Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

David Burns, MD

Clinical, Therapy, Anxiety, Psychotherapy, Depression, Health & Fitness, Cognitive, Mentalhealth, Mental Health, Behavior, Education, Self-improvement, Psychology, Relationships, Addiction, Happiness, Personalgrowth

4.4 • 856 Ratings

🗓️ 29 May 2017

⏱️ 25 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

A listener named Daisy describes her despair at being unable to have a baby, despite intensive efforts at a fertility clinic. She gets well-meaning messages from friends, family and support groups that she really needs a baby in order to feel truly happy and fulfilled, and these messages make her feel anxious and depressed. But she wonders whether this is really true. Does she really need a baby to feel happy?

In fact, we we get all kinds of messages from society that we need certain things in order to feel worthwhile, including:

Achievement / Success / Wealth
Intelligence
Perfection
Love
Approval
Popularity
Good looks

Are these things really needs? Listen to today’s podcast and you may be surprised by the answer!

In the next three podcasts, David and Fabrice will discuss three powerful uncovering techniques that can help you pinpoint the Self-Defeating Beliefs that may be at the root of your own unhappiness and anxiety. These include the Individual Downward Arrow Technique, the Interpersonal Downward Arrow Technique, and the What-If Technique. After that, David and Fabrice will also describe some powerful techniques to help you change the way you think and feel!

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello and welcome to the Feeling Good podcast.
0:12.4	I am your host, Fabrice Knight.
0:14.7	And joining me here in the Murrieta Studios is Dr. David Burns.
0:19.0	Hi, David.
0:20.0	Hi, Fabrice.
0:23.8	Dr. David Burns has been a pioneer in the development of cognitive therapy, and he is the creator of the new team therapy. He is the author of
0:30.2	Feeling Good, which has sold over 5 million copies in the United States, and has been translated into
0:35.5	over 20 languages.
0:43.0	He is an emeritus adjunct clinical professor of psychiatry at the Stanford University School of Medicine.
0:44.5	This is episode 38 of the Feeling Good podcast, and today is another Ask David podcast.
0:54.9	And we have an email here from Daisy.
0:59.5	And here's what Daisy has to say.
1:01.7	She says that my husband and I can't have a child
1:05.7	and have failed several rounds of expensive fertility treatment.
1:10.8	This has been a very painful situation that has led
1:14.6	to much anxiety and depression. However, the times I have coped the best is when I have been able to
1:21.8	change my thinking about it. For example, I have come to see that there are many aspects of my life I can enjoy without children.
1:30.4	I've also been able to challenge a persistent thought in my brain that having children is the only way to live a satisfying life.
1:38.0	The times that I find it most difficult to challenge these negative thoughts is when I talk to my well-meaning friends and family.
1:46.7	They see our situation as hugely tragic and often urge us to continue with treatment,
1:53.1	even though I'm not sure that I want to. They want us to continue because they don't believe themselves
1:58.8	that it is possible to be happy without a child.
	...

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