Hi, my name is John Kim. I'm a therapist who went through his own

rebirth many years ago and I've been documenting my journey ever since sharing my life

lessons and revelations. I believe in casual over clinical with you instead of at you. I come unrehearsed on purpose

because self-health doesn't have to be so complicated. I want to start with this. You are not getting over anyone. Healing isn't about getting over anyone.

I actually absolutely loath the term it's dismissive of the love that was built.

Yes I understand many of us have been in toxic relationships. But hurting people wasn't the intention, right? I mean, we go into things with open palms and trusting hearts. We all hope and dream and love to the best of our ability, and that's wherever we are at in our lives, right, with the tools that we have or that we don't.

And we are constantly telling ourselves that we need to get over someone after a breakup and I think it's damaging and I think that what we're doing is we are erasing, we are ripping out chapters, we are

white knuckling, we are minimizing, rushing, and dehumanizing ourselves and the person we shared a life with.

And I want to italicize we shared a life with

because that's what we did. You know we shared our life with this person. It doesn't mean that we moved in together, but we shared a life. We shared our hearts. They were in our day to day, in our minds, and to say that you are getting over this person,

I think implies that you're trying to erase, get rid of, what's that movie,

oh internal sunshine, internal sunshine of the

spotless mine I think it was called,

where the person's erasing memories.

I don't think it's a good way to live.

And also, it's also lined with possible anger, resentment.

Going back to my thesis of this life,

which is all parts of our story will be used,

which is your story is the most important thing

that you will ever own.

We should not rip out chapters.

So, you are not getting over anyone.

...