I remember just standing in the shower and saying to myself, out loud, just like, keep hearing it.

Your brother is dead. Your brother is dead.

This is Last Day, a show about the moments that change us.

I'm your host, Stephanie Woodles-Wax.

Join me as we laugh and cry and laugh cry our way through stories of survival, resilience and transformation.

Last Day is out now, wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Nora McNeerney and this is the Terrible Reading Club.

This is in a regular meeting to discuss what we call good books for terrible times.

I have read so many self-help books in my lifetime.

And over the past few years, especially, I've gotten really into organization.

I am on Clean Talk. That's TikTok videos about cleaning.

I've watched YouTube videos about how to have a need-or-house.

I have bought so many things that I thought would be the key to cleanliness and needness.

So many acrylic organizers. So many neat little boxes to put inside of other little boxes.

I have tried, like so many of us, to get my life in order to make it look as good as possible because that's what good adults do.

Good adults have perfectly made beds and spotless kitchen counters and flowers on the table whose water has not turned brown.

Good adults have tidy bathrooms and fully-stucked fridges and couches that aren't covered in dog hair.

But when you think about things like that, you know, a good adult, what good people do, that sort of moralization, mentality, it just makes you feel like absolute crap, doesn't it?

Because if your goodness is tied to how good things look, then what happens when they don't look so good anymore?

Or when they never did because there are a million reasons that you might struggle to keep your house clean or your clothes washed or your hair neat.

Maybe you have a disability or a mental illness. Maybe your life is falling apart and the last thing on earth you want to do is the dishes.

Maybe there's just too much to do and not enough time to do it and something has to give and that something is your laundry or your hygiene.

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