Growing up, we build up all kinds of layers,

layer after layer of protection to keep ourselves safe.

And this is natural selection at work.

This is the human development process, right?

Every time we say something weird in class,

other kids laugh at us or we get picked on

or get picked last for a team

or anytime we put ourselves out there

and we fall flat on our faces,

the human body builds up another layer of scar tissue,

builds up a set of neuro pathways,

a memory of that event, and seeks to protect

it from us. And oftentimes, eventually, our real selves and everything that makes us

worth knowing runs the risk of getting buried. The central relational paradox, this is a concept developed by noted psychiatrist John

Baker-Miller. It's simple but profound, and that is we all want close and intimate relationships.

That means we actually need people to like us. So, you know, when you hear an entrepreneur

stage say that, you know, my superpower is my willingness not to be liked or my ability not to be liked or my willingness

to be misunderstood for long periods of time. I've said that before. That is a famous Jeff Bezos

quote. The problem is that it's actually hardwired into us to fit in. And, you know, what that means is that we actually,

socially, conceptually from our, from our human perspective, our developmental, evolutionary

perspective, that we actually need some people to like us somewhat on some level.

The problem is we worry that no people will like any part of us, so we often hide anything that we consider to be different or less than or out of some normal

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