Why Self-Esteem Backfires

Therapy in a Nutshell

Therapy in a Nutshell -Emma McAdam

Mental Health, Education, Health & Fitness:mental Health, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 658 Ratings

🗓️ 27 July 2020

⏱️ 14 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

I’m going to be honest, I don’t really care for the self-esteem movement. The basic idea is to spend time every day saying nice things to yourself or to make lists of all of your good attributes. Now I do think that how we treat ourselves really matters and that we should be honest about both our strengths and weaknesses, but I’ve seen self-esteem get badly turned into fake accomplishments and medals or prideful comparisons or simply practices that don’t work. For example, it just never worked for me to look in the mirror and say nice things to myself. It just didn’t answer the question I was asking, which was "How can I know if I’m living well?" So in this video, I’m going to talk about four sources of self-esteem that will always let you down and one approach to thinking about yourself that has actually helped me become more at peace. Thanks to BetterHelp for sponsoring the video. BetterHelp: Professional, affordable online counseling starting at around $65 a week: https://www.betterhelp.com/therapyinanutshell Learn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=07272020 Support my mission on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/therapyinanutshell Sign up for my newsletter: https://www.therapyinanutshell.com?utm_medium=YTDescription&utm_source=podcast Check out my favorite self-help books: https://kit.co/TherapyinaNutshell/best-self-help-books Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health. In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction. And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services. Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC Music licensed from www.Bensound.com or Artlist.io Images from Freepik.com (premium license), Pixabay, or Wikimedia commons

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello everyone and welcome to therapy in a nutshell. I'm Emma McAdam, a licensed marriage and family
0:17.3	therapist, and this is the podcast where I condense mental health skills
0:21.9	into bite-sized nuggets of help. If you're ready to learn more in-depth mental health skills,
0:32.7	check out my online courses on anxiety, coping skills, and how to change your brain. Ten alternatives to
0:39.1	medication to improve mental health. The link is in the description. You can use the code
0:43.8	nutshell for 25% off. Hi everyone. I'm Emma McAdam. Today we're going to talk about self-esteem. So self-esteem is important,
0:57.0	but a lot of people struggle to have a healthy sense of their own identity. The question,
1:01.9	Am I good enough seems to impact everyone, myself included. I've been thinking about this a lot,
1:06.7	especially since editing the video of me hiking with my girls when I say, you feel like you're never good enough because no one is?
1:13.6	And I kind of regret saying that.
1:15.6	Like what I meant by that is that no one's able to be perfect
1:19.6	or to 100% protect their kids from being hurt by, you know,
1:23.6	their own weaknesses as a parent.
1:25.6	But I don't mean, or I don't think that we should run around feeling bad about ourselves,
1:31.2	or that we should endlessly beat ourselves up or treat ourselves with harshness or hatred.
1:36.0	Because all of that makes us less productive and more hateful, and it can even make you depressed.
1:43.8	I've got to sign up on my fridge that says
1:45.6	how you treat yourself equals how you treat your kids, equals how they treat others. So I really
1:51.4	feel like it's important that we don't spend our time being harsh towards ourselves or beat ourselves up.
1:58.1	But on the other hand, I'm going to be honest, I don't really care for the self-esteem
2:02.3	movement. And the basic idea is that you need to spend a lot of time thinking nice things
2:07.2	about yourself or spending time every day saying nice things to yourself or making lists
	...

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