Why is it so hard to leave a narcissist?
The Mental Healness Podcast
Lee Hammock
4.9 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 12 January 2026
⏱️ 19 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this episode, we dive deep into the psychological reality of narcissistic abuse recovery and why it takes an average of seven attempts before a survivor leaves for good. We explore the biological and emotional "hooks" that keep you stuck, from the trauma bond to intermittent reinforcement.
If you’ve ever wondered why you keep going back or why the "final" break feels so impossible, this session provides the clarity you need to break the cycle.
The 7-Attempt Rule: Understanding the statistics and the psychology behind leaving an abusive relationship.
The Trauma Bond & Dopamine: Why leaving a narcissist feels like physical drug withdrawal.
Intermittent Reinforcement: How the "hot and cold" cycle creates a powerful psychological addiction.
Cognitive Dissonance: Navigating the confusion between who they were and who they are.
The Hoovering Phase: How to stay firm when they try to "suck" you back into the relationship.
Stages of Healing: What the timeline of recovery actually looks like after going No Contact
Connect with Lee:
My Courses: https://courses.mentalhealness.net
Healing Support Group: https://mentalhealness.thinkific.com/products/communities/thementalhealers
1-on-1 Coaching Calls: https://mentalhealness1on1perspective.as.me/schedule/ec588030
Follow on Instagram/TikTok: @mentalhealnesss
Transcript
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| 0:45.5 | So how long or how many times does it take to leave a narcissist or to leave an abusive, toxic relationship. |
| 0:55.7 | That's what we're talking about today, y'all. |
| 0:57.0 | That's the question that we're hammering away at this morning. |
| 1:01.0 | Because I get this question a lot. |
| 1:03.0 | I actually get a variation, this exact question or a variation of it, a lot of times in my |
| 1:09.6 | comment section. |
| 1:10.6 | A lot of people ask me like well lee how long |
| 1:12.8 | does it take the leave i've left three times lee how long does it take the leave i've left eight |
| 1:17.9 | times how long does it take the leave i left 10 times i was like first of all it takes as long |
| 1:25.2 | as it takes but statistically they've done they yeah they, they've calculated, they've done numbers on this. |
| 1:31.0 | It takes, on average, a survivor of domestic violence or toxic relationship dynamics takes them seven times to leave. |
| 1:41.8 | Seven. |
| 1:43.7 | Seven. It takes them seven times to get on up out of there for good right and again that's the |
| 1:50.9 | average and on average of seven times so y'all know how we get averages even when i gave y'all the |
| 1:57.3 | comments i gave you a way to get to the average. I said three times. |
... |
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