Why HAPPY Couples CHEAT: The Surprising TRUTH About INFIDELITY & How to Reignite PASSION at Home | Esther Perel EP 616

The Daily Motivation

Lewis Howes

Education, Self-improvement

4.8 • 893 Ratings

🗓️ 16 May 2024

⏱️ 7 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Renowned relationship expert Esther Perel challenges the notion that affairs only happen in troubled relationships, revealing that even people in happy partnerships can stray. She explores the dual perspective of infidelity, highlighting the betrayal and hurt it causes, but also the underlying longing for emotional connection, intensity, and a sense of aliveness that drives people to seek affairs. Esther emphasizes the importance of understanding the different versions of oneself that emerge in various relationships and the need to integrate these parts for personal growth and relationship satisfaction. Through her insightful analysis and thought-provoking questions, Esther invites listeners to examine their own relationships and the role they play in creating desire and maintaining a sense of curiosity and exploration with their partners.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.
0:07.0	What's the biggest lesson you've learned from researching and doing this work on this
0:16.8	topic in the last few years?
0:18.8	One, I too, for a long time thought, affairs only happen in troubled relationships.
0:26.8	If you have everything you want, there should be no reason to go looking elsewhere.
0:31.7	Then I began to hear more and more people come into my office and say, I love my partner. I'm having an affair.
0:38.0	You know, in the same way that when I wrote mating in captivity, would say I love my partner I we have no
0:45.6	sex and I was like you know I thought if you love you desire and now I thought if you love you faithful. So this idea that not all
0:56.2	affairs are symptoms of relationships can arise, that people in happy
1:01.0	relationships also stray and it isn't because of their partner or because of something in the relationship.
1:08.0	That there's another theme here that affairs and this led me to the second thing, is that you always have to look at infidelity from a dual perspective
1:17.4	at the heart of affairs is betrayal and hurt but there is also longing.
1:24.0	Longing for an emotional connection, longing for intensity, longing for different sexuality,
1:30.0	longing to reconnect with lost parts of ourselves,
1:33.0	longing to suddenly feel alive because people have allowed themselves to feel dead on the inside.
1:39.0	That, what it did to you and what it meant to me, that you have to be able to figure out both is a much
1:46.7	more useful way to help people.
1:49.7	Even if we love our partner.
1:51.7	Yeah. You know someone comes to you is like I love my partner,
1:55.0	but I feel like I'm missing these other things.
1:57.0	How do we not miss those things or create those in our relationship?
2:02.0	Do you know how many times I say to people, tell me something.
	...

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