Why Everyone's Social Skills Are Getting Worse (ft. David Brooks)

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Podcast

Mark Manson

Self-improvement, Education

4.8 • 3.8K Ratings

🗓️ 10 January 2024

⏱️ 52 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

People are becoming increasingly lonely and are unable to relate to one another. Yet we have more access to more people than ever before. What's going on? Is it technology? Is social media replacing our sense of community with the empty calories of the sweet, sweet For You feed? Or maybe it’s the deterioration of the nuclear family — fewer kids are being born and being raised by fewer parents. Or is it the lack of religion in public life? Or the geographic exodus from small towns and communities towards big anonymous cities? Or the economic inequality and complete loss of work/life balance? These are questions that I, and renowned journalist and author David Brooks, unpack together as we nose dive into the social and emotional disconnect of millions of people. Need lessons on how to talk to the barista making your coffee? Looking to build a better relationship with Gary from across the fence? This episode won’t make you a master of communication overnight, but it’s a fascinating conversation packed with useful insight from beginning to end. Listen to it.

0:00 Introduction 2:46 Why we’re in a social crisis 5:55 The harsh judgment of social media 8:06 The growth of distrust 10:57 The decline of the traditional family 15:14 On communitarian cultures 16:24 Making America more “relationalist” 18:19 The Scandinavian and Israeli success 20:33 Is this success replicable in a diverse society? 23:32 The vice of today’s generation 29:19 David’s take on politics 32:11 Mark on the evolution of self-help 33:57 The recession of religion 38:33 Friction is the point 39:46 The “second mountain” 46:42 What we’re really motivated by 49:55 Can we go straight to the “second mountain”? David Brooks is a journalist and bestselling author of seven books, including his newest, “How to Know a Person.” David has had a popular column at the *New York Times* for over 20 years and teaches courses on philosophy at Yale. David Brooks on Twitter @nytdavidbrooks: https://twitter.com/nytdavidbrooks David Brooks’ column: https://www.nytimes.com/column/david-brooks David's new book “How to Know a Person:” https://www.amazon.com/How-Know-Person-Seeing-Others/dp/059323006X

Transcript

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0:00.0	In 1983, researchers conducted a survey and asked how many friends or family people would trust with a personal secret.
0:08.0	The most common answer at the time was three.
0:10.0	Over 25 years later, researchers ran the same survey and asked the same question.
0:15.4	But this time, the most common answer was shocking.
0:18.2	When asked how many people someone would trust with a personal secret, the most common answer
0:22.4	was zero. This is merely one of the many horrifying
0:26.2	statistics about loneliness and social isolation that you probably hear all the time now.
0:31.3	How is it that when the world is more connected than ever
0:34.0	before people are more lonely and isolated than they've ever been? Is it the
0:38.3	technology? Is social media replacing our sense of community with empty
0:42.4	calories of the sweet sweet for you feed.
0:45.2	Or maybe it's the deterioration of the nuclear family.
0:48.3	Fewer kids are being born and being raised by fewer parents.
0:51.6	Or is it the lack of religion and public life?
0:53.9	Or the geographic exodus from small towns and communities
0:57.1	towards big anonymous cities?
0:59.0	Or the economic inequality,
1:00.8	or the complete loss of work life balance?
1:03.0	Or do people's social skills just kind of suck now?
1:06.0	Have we forgotten how to empathize with each other?
1:08.0	Are we all just becoming self-absorbed and socially anxious?
1:11.0	Today I'm joined by renowned journalist and author David Brooks.
	...

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