Why Do I Have To Be The One To Change In Response To The Narcissist?!

Trauma & Narcissism Redefined

Caroline Strawson

Narcissisticabuse, Health & Fitness, Narcissist, Self-improvement, Education, Recovery, Mental Health, Trauma

4.8 • 701 Ratings

🗓️ 4 May 2021

⏱️ 16 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Today, we will talk about why we feel WE need to change after all the abuse received from the narcissist in our lives. To help us see this issue from a different lens, we use the Internal Family System perspective, and we will understand why we feel that way.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What is the reason behind our protective parts making us feel angry or frustrated

- The consequence of blending with our protective parts

- The questions we need to ask ourselves when we start feeling angry and frustrated

When we feel we need to change our behaviour around the narcissist, or change how we react to their abuse, a sense of injustice invades us. The truth is we don't need to change; we only need to ask ourselves and understand why our protective parts are coming to rescue us. Ideally, we should see a narcissist as a spotlight warning us against being triggered and confusing our protective parts with our true self.

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Welcome to the narcissistic abuse recovery podcast. I'm Caroline Stawson and I'll be sharing with you
0:09.2	awareness, understanding and education about the devastating effects of narcissistic abuse to help you thrive.
0:16.8	I want you to know that I've been exactly where you are now and I believe you. And this show is all
0:22.7	about taking you from trauma to transformation. In this episode today, I want to talk to you
0:33.7	about a question that I get asked a lot. And that that is why do I have to change? Why is it
0:41.4	that I'm the one that has to change when they, i.e. the narcissist, are the ones doing everything
0:48.6	to abuse me, to manipulate, to control me. And there's a level of frustration that comes up, almost in,
0:56.0	if they're the bad person, why do I have to change? And let me tell you, I hear you.
1:01.3	I hear you with that. It's almost like, where's that sense of justice in this world? I hear that
1:06.1	word a lot with my clients' injustice. You know, where is that justice in this world that I have to change
1:12.9	to cope with their behaviour? Why is that the case? And in today's episode, I want to talk to you
1:19.6	a little bit about this, maybe trying to get you to see it from a different lens. Because the
1:24.2	lens you are looking at it at the moment, if you feel frustrated and angry, that
1:28.3	why do I have to do this? Why do I have to preempt their behavior? Why do I have to look at
1:33.8	their behavior and change how I am? Why is that? And then we get a lot of emotion coming up,
1:40.9	anger, frustration. Now, when I work with my clients, I use something called
1:45.9	internal family systems. Now, internal family systems is an evidence-based parts therapy.
1:51.0	So when I work with my clients, indeed, in my group programs and membership, I tend to see
1:55.8	people as parts. So when someone tells me that they are frustrated or angry or any of these other emotions that
2:04.1	are coming up for them about how they feel, I'm immediately, okay, that's a part.
2:09.9	Because that's not you operating as yourself.
2:12.6	Because when you are coming from a place of being yourself, then you're coming from a place
	...

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