Female friendships, your homies, can be the most beautiful, ride-al-die connections in your entire life. If you find a goodie, if you find someone who actually cares, who's actually going to be there for you, listen to you, support you, see you for who you are, accept you, that person can really be the foundation of which we stand on as women. But let me tell you, if you find someone who think is a homie and they end up betraying you, they metaphorically stab you in the heart, they gossip about you, they don't have your back in times of need, those types of relationships can be the very thing that brings you to your knees. And so while I cover a lot of time here on Women of Impact, relationships with your partner, I really think that female friendships something that we don't talk about enough as women. And so for today, special Galantines Day, which if you don't know what Galantines Day is, it's basically Valentine's Day for your gals. So this very special Galantines Day, I wanted to bring on my homies of all frickin' homies that I ended up becoming friends with and met them in my adulthood. Now this is one of the problems that so many women reach out to me about. When we were younger, it was somewhat a little easier to make friends. You go to school, you have your school mates, and you just belong. But as adults, maybe you're like me, maybe you've moved countries, maybe you've changed profession, maybe you went from single to being married, maybe you went from from being single to having children. Which isn't my case, but there were so many stories of how we change and evolve as adults. And that change in evolution sometimes doesn't get greeted with open arms by your homies. Your friends don't understand you anymore and now you feel alone and isolated. So I wanted to talk to you today to talk with my friends about how we end up building our relationships and our friendships as adults. All the things that we tackle on a daily basis of being grown women with many different paths in our lives. A lot of us are actually very different. So I've got my girl Audrey Hussie, Martha Higareta, Rady DeVleuxia Sherry and Danielle Canty, who are the ultimate freaking right or die bad asses in my life. And we are today as a group and because you listen to this on plot class, I just want to tell you we're all wearing pink onesies. That's right because I wanted to show the actual truth of what it looks like to be friends as an adult when you leave very different lives and the truth is we don't always show up, whim and proper and look in our best. The truth is the real raw truth comes out when we are super freaking comfortable and being ourselves. So number one, we've all got pink ones is on. Number two, we're tackling the very hard things. Like why adult friendships can be even harder than dating? And yes, seriously, why isn't there a tinder for besties? That's one of the petitions I'm'm definitely either gonna sign or maybe the next business I probably will end up starting. We also talk about how to handle jealousy, competition, and the mean girl energy that still unfortunately freaking exists even as grown-ups women. We then in this part talk about the key mindset shifts that we have all made that will help you build your friendships that actually last. We're not talking about seasonal friendships which actually sometimes is okay. We're talking about long lasting girlfriends that we know will be there through and through and if you were to actually put a ring on it these are the girls that you would put a ring on their fingers. So grab your wine or your tea or whatever it is that that fuels your soul. Because this gallantine today girl gang special is about to be an absolute game changer. We have fun, we cry, we laugh, we hug, we empathize, we disagree. All of that into today's episode. So let's dive right into it. We're Womeningim Pat, the special gallentines Day episode with the Girlgan. Loneliness is more harmful than not exercising. The equivalent of 15 cigarettes a day, being an alcoholic twice as harmful as obesity. Which is why today, guys, I am so freaking honored to bring on my damn homies to help us navigate how we have been able to build friendships in our adulthood. So please welcome my girl, Martha! We got Daniel in the house! Buddy! And our girl, Audrey! Alright, let's go. So ladies, as we've been friends for a long time, we know how special our friendship is to us. So if we can help people navigate adult friendships, female friendships, it would be a job well done. So I pulled my community to figure out what are people actually struggling with? All right, so I asked, what was the hardest part of a female friendship? The selections were when there's envy or competition, when there's a man that gets in the middle, when one is in a toxic relationship, and when you live different lifestyles, if you're married. Good options. Oh, really? Now, you guys all seem to nod at every single one of them. I mean, I think I've had experiences with all of them. With all of them, including when a man gets in the middle. Well, I have one of my friends right now who is dating a guy that I literally think is a con artist. Right. And then how to have the conversation with her. What did you say to her? I bought up all the facts of why I think he's lying about his situation. I said, how's a really hard conversation because I love her and I want to be supportive, but I'm really worried for her because things that his story is not adding up. So I see that this is literally happening for me right now and I'm in this position where I don't want to be around this guy because for me he feels very dangerous. How did you even start the conversation? I bet everyone's like, how do you even broach something like that? Well, we went deep real quick. Come on, it's women of impact. Yeah, no, me. So basically, I actually think deep down, she knows. There's like all these things that are just not really adding up. And so I was in two minds about whether I said something or not, but at the end of the day I really care about this person. And so I think my angle was like, if I'm not a really good friend, I don't say something, but if I'm a really good friend, I'm like, hey, look, I'm not going to tell you who to date, but I am really concerned that this person is not being honest. So I said to her, look, like, I love you and I'm sharing a place of like wanting to protect you. She's like, yeah, I can see these certain things. Yes, I did think that was me yet. So I'm like, okay, so where is your line? Because you are agreeing that these things are not adding up,

but I'm worried that you're not holding a standard for the men that you're letting in your life, because you should have a higher standard than this. But I did draw the line on being around him. I was like, just so you know, I am not gonna go to dinner with him. I am not going to be around him because I don't want him knowing anything about me because I don't think he is a good person.

I don't want that in my life.

I don't want to welcome that person

into my close friend's ship circles, into... because I don't want him knowing anything about me because I don't think he is a good person. I don't want that in my life.

I don't want to welcome that person

into my close friend's ship circles and to my family because I don't know where that's going to end. All right, so quick question, out of everybody here, who is so glad that they're friends with Danielle because she's going to be that honest with you. Ah, yeah! Right? shaking kind of story because it's really hard like to have that like tell

your friend like I'm not okay with this But it gets really like Like kind of tricky to have that conversation as well if there's been a relationship with them for a long time Because you know that there is a chance that they will choose the other person over you And you know that by just being honest and communicating how you feel like we've all been in that situation where you're like, I don't want you to think badly

of me so I'm not going to tell you things.

If you don't like my partner, I'm not going to tell you about my partner.

Instead of going, I'm actually not going to be with this person.

So it's really brave, I think, to have that conversation.

That is so good.

So I was going the other side of this story. This happened to me a long time ago, and I hadn't thought about it in a lot of years. But you guys know my friend, Claudia. We've been friends for 20-something years, and she is so loving, and you know, we've lived together, we were roommates, it was amazing. What happened is that my boyfriend at the time, and her cousin at the time, were hanging out together. And they started doing some crazy things with women. And Claudia, my friend, didn't know how to approach this conversation because she knew obviously because of her cousin. And so she wanted to tell me and she didn't know how to tell me and I remember we sat down in the dining room and she said, Martita, this conversation is really hard for me to have with you because I know there's two paths after this. One is you may not want to be my friend anymore ever, but I don't care. She said, because I care about you and I care about your heart. And so the other path is that I'll tell you what I'm going share with you and then things probably are gonna change

in your relationship, but I just cannot continue to be living with you, being your friend, knowing these things without telling you. And I was like, oh my God, please tell me. And first of all, this is not, you know, somebody who just became friends with me and maybe she's jealous about, no, she's a good friend. And so I said, listen, I trust you. Whatever it is that you're going to say to me,

it's going to be, I know, for the good of my heart,

like you're gonna say to me,

it's gonna be, I know, for the good of my heart, like you're saying. So please be open, share with me. So then she shared that with me. And obviously I believed her. Because that's the thing about really good friends. They are there for you. So you also have to have an open heart and not be blinded by love or try to protect your relationship with whomever you are at that moment. It's like I'm going to listen with curiosity to see what my friend has to say. So beautiful. I think the problem comes when one of them isn't in that state of mind. So it's like if you're telling somebody and the person just doesn't want to hear it, that's when it's like, I don't know how that works.

I think your friend is right.

It's like, look, for me to be able to feel good about myself as a friend, I have to be honest with you. And if that means that that unfortunately may break this friendship, I can live with that. I can't live with not being honest with you. You know, so where's that line? Okay, so I want to reveal the poll results.

Oh yes, before we reveal do you guys have

a hypothesis of which one is the top one that most women find difficult? I'm the first one, baby. I think it's the first or the third one. Alright, let's drum roll please let's reveal go. Envy and competition. And it won by a freaking landslide. Wow. Fifth, that's why people, people, percent of people, think that envy and competition is the hardest thing in their relationship. So I've actually got a community question from your community, Rady. You reached out and you said, how can I help? What are you guys struggling with? And this person said, how do you deal with jealousy and friendships when your friend is not being happy for your success? So you've gone from somebody that was in London, no one really knew your name, and holy smokes go. You come to LA, you blow the world wide open, and you have a massive volume, you've got crazy career, like podcast, book, and so your life has completely changed. Have you experienced that with any of your friends and what advice can you give for someone at home? I think the first thing I'll say is I've definitely been the other person too, where I've been like jealous of people. But I think it's because when I was going through those feelings,

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