When to Say What You Think (And When Not To) with Harvard Psychologist Steven Pinker
The High Performance Podcast
High Performance
4.8 • 4.7K Ratings
🗓️ 29 October 2025
⏱️ 34 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Pre-order our brand new book Micro-Habits and use code MICROHABITS26 for 25% off before the launch on 1st January. https://hppod.co/472Og7q
What makes great communicators stand out isn’t confidence, charisma, or talent, it’s clarity.
In this episode, cognitive scientist and Harvard professor Steven Pinker joins Damian to explore the hidden psychology behind how we speak, listen, and understand one another. He explains why the real art of communication isn’t about what we say, but about how we build common knowledge, the shared understanding that allows people to think, decide, and act together.
Pinker calls it one of the most overlooked habits in high performance: the ability to step outside your own head and see the world as others do. It’s how leaders create alignment, how teams build trust, and how ideas truly land.
Together, we explore:
- Why "everyone knows it" is completely different from "everyone knows that everyone knows it"
- The essential habit of knowing when to make the unspoken spoken (and when not to)
- How to use focal points to coordinate without words
- The three types of human relationships—and why mixing them up destroys trust
- Why blunt honesty can be just as damaging as ambiguity
Whether you're leading a team, navigating a difficult conversation, or simply trying to communicate more effectively, this episode will transform how you think about language, relationships, and coordination
Steven’s new book ‘When Everyone Knows That Everyone Knows…’ is out now.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Unlock it early on the high performance app. |
| 0:02.5 | Available now, Micahacken, |
| 0:04.5 | the Formula One world champion who mastered life at 200 miles an hour |
| 0:08.0 | and the mindset it takes to win. |
| 0:12.6 | Welcome to the essential habits of high performance. |
| 0:16.4 | Today, we're diving deep into the one subject |
| 0:19.2 | that governs all human interaction and yet |
| 0:21.7 | we barely stop to audit it, talking about communication. |
| 0:26.2 | I'm Damien Hughes and I've spent my career advising leaders on how to create high-performing |
| 0:31.1 | cultures. |
| 0:32.1 | And the single biggest killer of high performance isn't a lack of talent or effort. |
| 0:37.0 | It's often ambiguity. We waste vast |
| 0:40.2 | amounts of energy decoding what people didn't say rather than acting on what they did. |
| 0:47.8 | Today, we're joined by one of the world's most brilliant minds, Dr Stephen Pinker. As a cognitive scientist from Harvard, he's explored the very foundation of how we think, |
| 0:59.0 | how we use language, and why we often choose to be vague when we could be clearer. |
| 1:04.7 | Stephen's work reveals that the problem isn't just about being polite. |
| 1:08.4 | It's about a hidden, complex social currency, which he calls common |
| 1:13.0 | knowledge. The essential habit we're learning today is mastering common knowledge, understanding |
| 1:20.2 | when to make the unspoken spoken, and critically, when not to do so. |
| 1:30.9 | So let's start with the concepts of common knowledge. |
| 1:33.0 | Why don't we just say what we mean? |
| 1:38.6 | Why do we rely on hints, tone and body language instead of just being direct? |
... |
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