Hey Better Babes, welcome to getting better. I'm Jonathan Van Ness. I'm trying to learn how to do

boundaries better and maybe help you learn how to set boundaries better too. Whether it's with a friend,

a family member, a stranger, someone on the internet, maybe even with yourself. Boundaries can be

overwhelming, they can be confusing, they can also be really easy when we have a better relationship

with them.

Boundaries can help us unlock the best version of ourselves and the best relationships with each other.

So to learn about boundaries today, we have the Boundary Lady herself, Melissa Urban.

Melissa Urban is the co-founder and CEO of the Whole 30 program and a New York Times best-selling author.

She's helped millions of people rethink

their relationship with food, habits, and self-trust through Whole 30 and her books, including

The Book of Boundaries, Set the Limits That Will Set You Free. Today we're talking about how boundaries

can be kind and why no contact is sometimes the most loving choice we can make for ourselves.

Melissa, thanks for coming on getting better. How are you? I am wonderful. It's so good to be here,

Jonathan. I think for anyone that's ever had to set that boundary and go no contact with a loved one,

or I would imagine for someone who's like been the receiver of the no contact, it would be really

difficult. And I think I'm all about healing theoretically. I'm trying to learn how to heal better. And so I just, I want to learn how to set boundaries better and how to just move through this life better with boundaries. So I thought you're the perfect person for us to talk to about that. Right. Now, first thing, boundaries. We hear about them all the time on social. People love to chat about a boundary. Can you define for us like what a boundary is in the first place?

I can, and I think it's great that we start there because there are a lot of misconceptions about boundaries. So I define boundaries as the limits that you set around how you allow other people to engage with you. So they're not controlling. Boundaries are not about telling someone

else what to do. They're about telling other people the actions that you are willing and able

to take to keep yourself safe and healthy and to keep your relationship healthy.

Ah, yes. Yes. In your journey, when did you become like a boundary person, a boundary lady? Like, what was your experience of becoming known as the Boundary Queen? My first experience with Boundaries happened when I was in rehab for my drug addiction. So I spent five years addicted. I went to rehab, relapsed, went back again. And it wasn't until the second time in recovery that I realized that I had to change so much

about my life if I wanted to maintain it. So the first time I ever set a boundary was when I said

to my friend who was at a party with me that I should not have attended, I can't be here. I'm going to

...