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Adult Child

When Each Parent Leaves a Different Scar: From Attachment Wounds to Parenting Triggers, Rage & Repair w/ Amber Trejo

Adult Child

Andrea Ashley

Relationships, Health & Fitness, Education, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Mental Health

4.91.8K Ratings

🗓️ 3 December 2025

⏱️ 82 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Join Breathe to Heal: A 7-week Somatic Journey to Release & Receive

What happens when one parent shatters you by leaving and the other wounds you by staying? This episode unpacks how two very different kinds of unsafe love can live in your body at the same time.

Amber Trejo is an integrative trauma therapist who helps parents with C-PTSD untangle how their own attachment wounds and nervous system triggers show up in the way they love and raise their kids. She grew up with two alcoholic parents — a father who disappeared overnight and a mother who stayed but pulled her into parentification, emotional abuse, and way too much adult reality. It wasn’t until she fell in love and later became a mother herself that those early wounds surged back as paranoia, dread, and explosive reactions she barely recognized as her own.

✨ What this episode explores:

▪️Growing Up With Two Kinds of Unsafe — Why having parents who hurt you in different ways makes it harder to see your trauma clearly, easier to minimize it, and more confusing to sort out which wounds came from where.

▪️Attachment Wounds in “Good” Relationships — Why safe, stable partners can still trigger paranoia, phone checking, and urges to run when your body learned that love and danger always showed up together.

▪️The “I Can’t Get What I Need” Core Wound — How this belief quietly drives functional freeze, overdoing, resentment in relationships, and the feeling that everyone else’s needs matter more than yours, including your kids’.

▪️When Parenting Feels Like a Trauma Relapse — When your child’s tantrums, needs, or clinginess send you into screaming, shutdown, or terror because they mirror the ages when no one comforted you.

▪️Raising Kids While Healing Yourself — What real repair looks like when you’ve yelled, grabbed, or minimized, and how to own the harm without dumping your story on your child or drowning in shame.

▪️Vicarious Sexual Abuse — What it actually is and what it can look like later in life

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

All right, shit shows, breathe to heal is officially back, and this time we're going deeper than

0:04.8

ever before. The theme of this third round is release and receive, releasing everything that's

0:10.2

been stuck for way too long, so you can finally receive the peace, love, and safety I know you've been

0:15.3

craving. The seven-week healing journey goes beyond talk therapy by working directly with your nervous

0:20.6

system using breath

0:21.7

work, somatic practices, and parts work to give you the kind of healing your body has been waiting

0:26.8

for. This is all facilitated by fellow shit show member and certified somatic and breathwork

0:31.3

practitioner, Teresa, who's just added some fresh breathwork certifications to her toolkit.

0:35.9

And the best part of all, this all happens right within the shit show healing community. So think of it like a healing journey where you can show up exactly as you are, like you're hanging out with your friends on the couch, in your pajamas, instead of feeling like you're in some stuffy environment. So this all kicks off on Tuesday, January 13th, and early bird pricing is on through December 11th.

0:54.5

So you, yes, you, the person that's been wanting to sign up for the past two rounds,

0:58.0

but hasn't, how about we do the damn thing already, okay? Head to adult childpodcast.com slash breathe to heal that is breathe with an E at the end. adult child podcast.com slash b-r-e-a-t-h-h-E-A-T-H-E-2-H-E-to-E-T-H-E to learn more and grab your damn spot.

1:12.6

Safe love feels unsafe when un-saf. slash B-R-E-A-T-H-E-2-H-E-2-H-E to heal to learn more and grab your damn spot.

1:12.5

Safe love feels unsafe when unsafe is the only version of love your body's ever known.

1:19.3

My name is Andrea, and this is adult child. Welcome back to a little

1:39.6

Where we take a deep dive into the impact of growing up in a dysfunctional family.

1:45.4

Ahoy, my dear shit shows. For any listeners, my name is Andrea. I'm a total and complete shit

1:52.0

show and I am an adult child. And if you're wondering what the hell that means, well, an adult

1:57.5

child is somebody whose unresolved childhood pain is surfacing and playing out in adulthood

2:03.6

and not in a good way. And if you're still wondering what the hell that means, I suggest you go

2:09.4

check out the ACA laundry list. But let me just summarize it. Okay, that is the 14 traits of an adult

2:16.7

child of an alcoholic dysfunctional family. So see if you can relate to some of these, okay? That is the 14 traits of an adult child of an alcoholic

2:17.5

dysfunctional family. So see if you can relate to some of these, okay? Approval seeking and

...

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