What's Behind the Rise of Parent-Child Estrangement?

The Art of Manliness

Society & Culture, Education, Philosophy

4.7 • 14.5K Ratings

🗓️ 18 November 2024

⏱️ 56 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

These days, you hear more and more about parents and adult children being estranged from each other. Some individuals have even decided to go "no contact" with their parents; they don't want anything to do with their mom and/or dad at all. To understand what's behind this phenomenon, today I talk to Joshua Coleman, a psychologist who's spent 40 years counseling families and the author of Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict. Joshuagoes beyond the typical one-sided narratives around parent-child estrangement that tell the story of parents who got what they deserved or overly entitled adult children who wrongly blame their parents, to unpack the larger cultural context for why these tensions have arisen. We discuss how society has moved from upholding a honor-thy-father-and-mother sense of obligation to prioritizing individuality and optionality, and why despite the fact that we're more child-focused and psychologically aware than ever, familial estrangements are on the rise. We get into the common reasons for estrangement, the role that expanding ideas of what constitutes abuse and trauma and an adult child's therapist can play in it, and how much parents can really be blamed for how their kids turn out. And we get into what parents who are estranged from their children can do to reconcile with them. Even if you're not personally estranged from a family member, the discussion of the underlying dynamics influencing all our modern relationships is a fascinating one.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Brett McKay here and welcome to another edition of the Art of Manliness podcast.
0:11.6	These days, you hear more and more about parents and adult children being estranged from each other.
0:16.6	Some individuals have even decided to go, no contact with their parents. They don't want anything
0:21.7	to do with their mom and or dad at all. To understand what's behind this phenomenon, today I talk to
0:27.2	Joshua Coleman, a psychologist who spent 40 years counseling families and the author of Rules of
0:32.3	Estrangement, why adult children cut ties and how to heal the conflict. Joshua goes beyond the typical one-sided narratives around parent-child
0:40.1	estrangement that tell the story of parents who got what they deserved or overly entitled
0:44.5	adult children who wrongly blame their parents to impact the larger cultural context for why
0:48.7	these tensions have arisen. We discuss how society is moved from upholding and honor
0:52.8	thy father and mother's sense of obligation to prioritizing individuality and optionality.
0:57.0	And why despite the fact we're more child focused and psychologically aware than ever,
1:01.0	familial estrangements are on the rise.
1:04.0	We get into the common reasons for estrangement,
1:06.0	the role that expanding ideas of what constitutes abuse and trauma and adult child's therapist can play in it and how much parents can really be blamed for how their kids turn out. And we get into
1:15.4	what parents who are estranged from the children can do to reconcile with them. Even if you're not
1:19.6	personally estranged from a family member, the discussion of the underlying dynamics influencing
1:23.3	all our modern relationships is a fascinating one. After the show is over, check at our show notes at AIM.
1:28.1	Ati.m.i.s.
1:29.6	Strangman.
1:42.2	Thanks for having me.
1:44.0	So you are a psychologist who
1:46.0	specializes in working with parents and adult children who have become estranged from each other
	...

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